I have been hermit-ing this summer – doing some shadow work and exploring anger and rage. In the past, I was not very easily anger; however, I’ve noticed that I’ve become quick to anger and irritibility these days.
I was raised in a home where emotions were not expressed. I have a difficult relationship with my adoptive mother. She was emotionally dysregulated frequently in the home, exploded into rage and anger at the drop of a hat. No one would have known outside of immediate family. I grew up fearful of her and her erratic moods. My adoptive father and I tended to walk on eggshells. I received the brunt of her anger; dad was runner up. My adolescent years were the most turbulent in the home. My mom became physically aggressive during that period. Anger felt foreign in the past. Now, it’s familiar. I excused others’ anger toward me for a greater part of my life. Now I am the angry one.
I found some old, angry artwork that I painted years ago, probably after an argument. And the poem above was written more recently. To craft a sacred alter to rage, anger. This, too, along my spiritual journey, to explore blocks, emotional truth, blindspots. To evolve and heal. I am finding support through the Kali Oracle deck by Alaina Fairchild, illustrated by Jimmy Manton. She is simply fierce, and her spirit is inspiring.
Musings of a Taiwanese American Adoptee
tales of intercountry adoption & beyond
Musings of a Taiwanese American Adoptee 
Mmh. This brings up a lot of things. It’s my personal belief that our western culture is taught to be angry and that we are taught that being angry is an asset. Apparently, we’re supposed to be angry at things we don’t agree with. This trickles down to how we treat one another. I can’t agree with Michael. Doing war with anger is simply asking anger to deal with anger. On the other side of war anger is still there. It is not an enemy. It’s an emotion. You’re going to live with it regardless. It’s just up to you to teach yourself (and/or have help) to place it in a less important position within your psyche. It’s not an easy task, for everywhere you look, there is anger (like in all of our media), so while you’re trying to heal yourself, you are bombarded with more versions of it. To me, Kali is not doing violence to the ego but an acceptance of its destruction. Good luck with your inner search.
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Hi Ahzio, thanks for your thoughtful response. Interesting, as I was brought up to believe anger was a “bad and negative” emotion, as when I expressed or behaved angrily, I was punished. However, the adults in my life, my caretakers and other “spiritual” adults, were allowed to not only demonstrate anger, but act in harmful and abusive ways, physically, emotionally, and psychologically. Therefore, I have no experience with “we are taught that being angry is an asset.” In my experience, it has been a detriment or deficit. Fundamentally, I believe anger is an emotion, like all the other emotions, e.g., sadness, happiness, excitedness, guilt, shame, etc. It isn’t bad nor good, it just is. Obviously, how we choose to manage any emotion, including anger, affects our own sense of being as well as those around us. I wrote this post from the lens of the path of the witch, of which I identify. In our practice, we call upon certain deities, Kali Ma, Hekate, Isis, the Morrigan, as a way to connect spiritually with their energy, per se, for support. And we use a number of different tools along the way. Not all witches engage with deities, I should say. Yes, media often fuels anger and incites people. I approach my personal exploration of anger strictly as a means to heal and evolve from a history/lifetime of trauma, to become more whole. It’s a very spiritual and very personal quest unique to myself. Gosh, guess we could discuss such a topic for days. Thanks so much for visiting.
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there’s this scene in the movie First Knight with Sean Connery where he’s talking about the need to address injustice fully and without hesitation. He says a famous line that I’ve taken with me : “there’s a peace that’s only to be found on the other side of war”.
I feel like anger is one of those things that we have to explore (or do war with) in order to understand it. but I understand it’s a difficult journey few people want to take. I really do understand.
so it takes courage for someone to say that they will willingly explore it and go through that exploration in order to gain a sense of equilibrium.
also, that’s a beautiful piece of art you created
Mike
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Thank you, Michael! Actually that’s not my artwork. It’s from Unsplash I think. I didn’t post my artwork, lol.
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oh ok! haha 😀 pretty cool though, i’d hang it up on canvas
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Wishing you the best on your journey, … take care, …💫
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