This morning, I journaled about how difficult this past year has been. So much anger, resentment, fatigue, and disappointment. Two years post-divorce after nearly 30 years of marriage, the lingering challenges can feel overwhelming on some days. My own self-limiting beliefs and negativity don’t help. They tend to feed a sense of disillusionment that can be hard to escape.

And yet, I keep going, must keep going. In the process, I sometimes lose sight of all I have actually accomplished over these past two years, even as the work of grieving continues.

On a brighter note, winter break has offered moments of creativity and rest. I’ve been collaging and recently had a photo shoot for my new website. I’ll be honest, I wasn’t thrilled with how I looked, but the camera captures what it captures. Aging is inevitable, and some days that truth lands more heavily than others.

The shoot itself was no small feat. It was cold and windy, and hauling my Tibetan and crystal singing bowls through beach sand took more energy than I had to spare. I left some instruments and props in the car simply because I didn’t have it in me to carry more. The photos will do for now. Perhaps I’ll try again in the spring, somewhere other than the beach! Still, the sunset was beautiful, despite my whining.

As we step into a new year, I wish you joy, good health, abundance, and new adventures. May your days be brighter, your nights calmer, and your moments sweeter in 2026. I enter this next chapter grateful for endings and new beginnings, carrying a quiet sense of adventure yet fear of the unknown.

Hello World. I’ve been in my new place for three weeks and four days. It’s slowly coming together. I did sell my digital piano and finally got my car fixed. My new space doesn’t quite feel like home. There’s more art I’ll eventually put up on the walls, and the layout in my bedroom isn’t quite to my satisfaction, but it’s getting there. I enjoy taking a space and making it home.

I have 3.5 more weeks of work until my summer break begins. Nearly three months off, which I’m sure will fly by. Time seems to be moving at a snail’s pace. I’ve noticed a shift in my mood, kinda irritable and protective. My body doesn’t always want to “go” when I want it to. Getting older brings with it certain limitations. I remind myself to think kinder thoughts and nourish my body as best I can. 

By the next post, I should be out for summer break. May summer bring restoration and peace. Cheers, and may you enjoy your weekend!

I love this song. Reminds me of setting out on a new path.

Photo by Evgeni Tcherkasski on Unsplash

Happy Holidays! It’s that time of the year again. I’m finally on winter break and couldn’t be more giddy. I’m trying to stay present and not worry about how fast the break will go. I’ll be hosting a small Christmas gathering tomorrow at home with my daughter and a good friend. I still have yet to figure out what to prepare other than pumpkin pie. My brain and body are tired, but I’m so glad to not be at work.

It’s my second holiday season on my own. The quiet is nice, but I’ve found myself grieving the familiarity of the home I left, snuggling with my pup while we watch movies. Well I watched the movies, and my pup snuggled. My current rental has had so many issues, primarily feral cats pooping in the yard. I do feel for the kitties, but it’s a pain to clean their messes. The neighbor feeds them, and they kinda live in his yard but use my yard as a giant kitty litter box. I’ve considered breaking my lease, however, the thought of moving again is dreadful not to mention, likely costly. It’s been an ongoing issue since moving in and caused much stress. I’ve invested in way too many deterrents that unfortunately don’t work long-term, but I keep trying. Homeowner not very aggressive in dealing with the issue. Sigh…

Anyway, back to holiday cheer. Yule is my favorite time of the year, my favorite season. I’m truly savouring the slowdown, noursishing myself with stillness, rest, and pause as much as possible. Lots of reflection on the past year, what I’ve been able to accomplish, what has taken a toll, and what I intend to release.

Thank you for stopping by and reading this little blurb. May you, too, slow down, enjoy the stars tonight, and savor the stillness of winter. Wishing you a safe and happy holiday!

Photo by Jez Timms on Unsplash

A little holiday cheer from Laufey…

the wicked wind came howling tonight,
a squall that shook me to my bones 
the moon pierced through the stormy clouds,
and i sighed deeply as the wild wind
whipped and moaned
take away the memory of him
i begged the fierce wind as it shrieked,
but it seemed to laugh as only tempests can
leaving stains of dust ‘cross my pallid cheek
how haughty is the wicked wind
to laugh with such disdain
at a love gone cold and a heart deceived
no sympathy did it feign

Borders by Kalandra

Photo by Luka Vovk on Unsplash

I’m back from my visit to Return to Freedom. Left Saturday about mid-morning, forgot to factor in traffic, but made it just in time for the tour. It was about a 3+ hour drive, give or take a few minutes. It seems no matter what time you leave on any given day in Los Angeles, there will always be traffic. Silly me to have forgotten. We started the tour around 3:30pm and ended just shy of 6:30. I got my steps in, lol.

The weather was sunny, bright, and very warm, but not unbearable. Definitely got warmer, however, as we continued our trek through the sanctuary. Thankfully, there was a nice breeze most of the time. Upon arrival, we caravaned down a dusty dirt road, greeted by several wild burros. They are the sweetest creatures! Later we walked alongside them, stoppng to scratch behind long, fuzzy ears and marvel at such cuteness.

We saw several different herds of wild horses in various regions of the sanctuary, some horses open to connecting with humans. Others stood at a distance or atop a hill, probably thinking, “Oh it’s those humans again.” My favorite part of the tour was connecting briefly with a mare named Willow. There were many people on the tour, so most everyone wanted to touch the horses that were friendly and open to greeting humans. Willow walked over to me and let me scratch her head and behind her ears. She has the sweetest eyes and temperament. I could have hung out with Willow all day.

I stayed in Lompoc overnight. At bedtime, I just got so emotional! Horses bring out all the feels. Also knowing that so many wild mustangs and burros are rounded up and separated from their families by the evil BLM gnaws at me. Some are killed during the chase, including babies. Those caught are sent to auction, forced into kill pens to be transported to Mexico and slaughtered for meat by the highest bidders. Some are placed in other holding pens for the rest of their lives, far away from the lands they once roamed. Thank the stars for RTF and other sanctuaries that rescue as many as they can. They are unable to save them all, which makes me deeply sad and angry at the injustice, that humans can get away with such cruelty and inhumanity. Other horses may be bought by reckless owners who starve and abuse them until their light disappears.

The horrific rounding up continues. It’s remarkable that sanctuaries like RTF try very hard to find family members and reunite wild horses when they are able to, sometimes taking years. I hope to return to RTF to take some of the workshops offered. It’s just a long drive, and workshops are spendy, of course, but I’m sure well worth it. Horses are again at the forefront of my heart. I am drawn to them. Perhaps the horse is my totem or spirit animal. 

Below are a few photos. They don’t do these beautiful animals justice, and I wished I had an actual camera so I could zoom in. I shot a few videos as well. The first two photos (top row, L to R) are of Spirit, a stallion who was the inspiration for Dreamworks animated film, “Spirit: Stallion of the Cimarron.” He is 29 years old, quite beautiful and very sweet. I spent a few minutes rubbing his neck. We were told that he loves children, and the first humans he walked over to were the kids. Next are a couple of cute burros. There were many. That’s Willow and my hand, lol, on the second row. After Willow is a band of horses called the Brislawn herd. They have the most beautiful coats including grulla/o. And lastly is one of the largest herds, 33 total, at the sanctuary. There are a few bands within the herd including two stallions with their mares.

I would have loved a more private tour. There sensed so much human energy that I found it hard to be present with those horses that came up to us. This was, however, a group tour, and I’m grateful to have learned more about RTF and the wild horses and burros. I should probably stop obsessing now over horses! Just being in their presence is magical. 

Photos by Mj, iPhone XR 😂

I have been packing like crazy for the past week. As the saying goes, you don’t know how much stuff you have till you relocate. Exactly a year ago, I moved into this small, two-bedroom apartment due to necessity. I have never lived alone, not that I haven’t wanted to. Always had at least one roommate, and well, a spouse. I have loved living alone and having my own space. I loved furnishing my apartment. I remember purchasing my sectional sofa and bed, assembling them, then slowly adding in rugs, a small dining table and MCM dining chairs, hanging wall art, and styling the space in a way that felt cozy and warm, like home. Here I am, about to relocate again to a new place, a house. It’s a small house, one bedroom, tiny yard, garage mainly for storage, and a covered carport. I’ve fretted so much because of the neighborhood the home is located in. I hate to say it, but when I drive through the neighborhood, I feel distressed. The homeowner repeatedly said it’s a safe area, blah, blah, blah; nevertheless, it’s a culture shock. I love the house itself, however. It’s set back from the street beside two other homes. Still, I worry I won’t like the area. The lease is not forever, so there is that. All signs tell me it’s a good move, despite my qualms.

This morning I experienced a very strong wave of dizziness – not the first time. I thought it was a panic attack, but it was mostly my body telling me to slow down and take better care of it. Yesterday, I had to give a training at work for Parents of First Year Students on campus, which didn’t take long, thankfully. But I did pack before and after, way into the night. I woke up this morning with a giant headache, body aches, and pains – you know, the usual. I was stretching, and a certain movement caused a very unwelcome wave of nausea. I had to lie down and rest for most of the morning until it passed. After eating, I felt slightly better. Still not super great, but here I am writing this post.

I move next Monday. I hired movers, but still so much more to pack. Then there’s the unpacking. Multiple stressors compete for my attention – family crises, financial worries, moving, work, health, my dog, who needs to see a dental veterinarian. What struck me this morning as I was lying on my sofa is how much grief creeps in on top of all the other stuff, the loss of multiple things, including my youth, marriage, seeing someone you love suffer, thus the aches and pains. I felt this morning that I could not handle another minute of it. I will truly miss this place, this beachy community, what has come to be home for the past year, perhaps just this small chapter of my life, which has turned out to be a whopper.

I’ve come across rainbows multiple times in the past couple of weeks. The rainbow is an ancient symbol of peace and divine honor. Though things feel so turbulant in this moment, I feel certain there will be a rainbow on the other side, even if I have to paint one, dammit, in my art journal.

Rainbow, Kacey Musgraves. I learned to play this on my little digital piano. Maybe one day I’ll post. But no one can sing it as well as Kacey ❤

Photo by eberhard 🖐 grossgasteiger on Unsplash

This is an unfinished piece of art I drew and painted a couple of years ago. I’ve never taken any formal art classes – I’m sure it shows – but started drawing in adolescence. I tend to draw stylized female portraits in the style of Tamara LaPorte, my favorite artist. I wish to improve my skills and perhaps experiment with more abstract painting. I don’t quite have the skill yet to paint the way I’d like to. Most of the time, I like the sketch better – the paint seems to muck things up.

It’s been a while since I’ve drawn. Since starting full-time work, I don’t have as much time to dabble in art. But one day, perhaps I’ll get back to it. It takes energy to draw. I find that writing poetry requires less energy and is easier, of course, to edit! I’m really bad at coming up with names, like names for groups I facilitate, names for art, names for poems, etc. What name would you give this drawing? It said “warrior” to me, but like I mentioned, it’s not very creative, lol. I can’t remember what inspired it. Most of the time, I just start drawing, and what shows up, shows up!

I am here
I am not here
have I disappeared?
peek-a-boo
catch me if you can
picture perfect,
at first glance
yet truth be told,
can barely stand
the way you think I’m fine
must be a thousand times
and over, blind
find me if you can
hiding, bruised, black and blue
peek-a-boo
and right on cue,
I’ll disappear

How Soon Is Now? by The Smiths.  A classic. Thought it fit the poem.

It’s a 3-day weekend! This time last year, I was planning a great escape. I can hardly believe it’s been nearly a year. So much has happened since then. Simply, it has been hard. Grateful for my friends who’ve stood close by. Enjoy the weekend!

Photo by Hannah Xu on Unsplash

Good Sunday to you! No new poem today, well maybe later 🙂 I’ve been in a music therapy conference all day on strengths-based improvisation. The conference is all week – gotta earn those continuing ed credits. It was a blast. I haven’t connected with other music therapists in eons, so although it was virtual, it was a lovely experience to meet with other musicians/music therapists online. We did some improvising on whatever instruments we had on hand. I played my djembe, a couple of frame drums and my new e-piano, which sadly, I don’t play often enough. I feel so lucky to be a musician and to have had the opportunities I’ve had to study music. And I very much love sharing music with others.

Drumming is so near and dear to my heart. I enjoy it almost as much as playing the piano. When I studied piano performance, I was terrible at improvising- literally froze. But when I studied music therapy, I learned that I could improvise (on keyboard mostly), play by ear, and read lead sheets pretty easily after I built some skill. I took drum facilitator trainings through HealthRhythms and am starting a healing drum circles program at work next academic year – was awarded a small grant to buy more drums. All of this to say that I love music so much. I cannot imagine this life without it. There is a song or a piece for nearly every emotion, mood, occasion, event, even if to just dance around to in the privacy of your own space.

It would be a dream to conduct an orchestra. I took conducting in undergrad, but have absolutely no experience, except practicing in class. I remember my professor telling some of us we looked like we were stirring pudding, lol! I especially love watching female conductors because – well, they’re just so badass. There’s a female conductor and violinist, Karina Canellakis, to guest conduct the LA Philharmonic later this month. I’d like to go, but traffic is always such a pain to the Walt Disney Concert Hall. I hate the traffic! One of my favorite female conductors is Mirga Gražinyte-Tyla . We have the same birthday! Another is Elisabeth Fuchs. I linked a YouTube video of Fuchs conducting the Zagreb Philharmonic Orchestra and Choir Zvjezdice. The performance features cello soloist, HAUSER, performing Benedictus from The Armed Man: A Mass for Peace by Karl Jenkins (Hendon Music Inc BMI) at his classical solo concert, which was held at Lisinski Concert Hall in Zagreb (October 2017). I literally cried the first time I heard this piece, it’s so beautiful. I hope you give it a listen and enjoy it.

This is also Coachella week, so been tuning into YouTube Coachella 2024 Live! Loved The Last Dinner Party and Bleachers last night. Cheers to music and more of it! Thanks for reading this little blurb about my deep love of music.

Hauser performing Benedictus from The Armed Man: A Mass for Peace, Karl Jenkins. Conductor, Elisabeth Fuchs. Lyrics here.

Photo by Andrea Zanenga on Unsplash

Just over a week ago, the Department of State’s Bureau of Consular Affairs with the support of the U.S. Domestic Policy Council hosted a Symposium on Intercountry Adoption (ICA) in Washington DC. The purpose of the Symposium was to bring together a diverse group of ICA stakeholders in order to strengthen the future practice of intercountry adoption. Such stakeholders included professional adoption practitioners; attorneys; government officials from the U.S. Citizenship and Immigration Services (USCIS) and the Department of State; and Legislators as well as a number of others. Interested adoptive parents also attended, and historically, the Department invited adult adoptees as well as birth parents for the first time, as the Department’s aim was to “create a deeper understanding of the respective views and interests of each stakeholder group.” The Symposium gave a clearer comprehension of the roles of the many different governmental offices in intercountry adoption, and yet there is still much to learn about each entity and their direct roles. It became clear to me that our present system of intercountry adoption and the policies and regulations governing it are far more intricate than I imagined.

All of us care for the safety of children. All of us recognize their vulnerability. All of us want to protect them from those who would do them harm. Bringing all of us together, as this Symposium does, provides us with an opportunity to meet those goals in cooperation rather than in competition.

Carl Rische, Assistant Secretary of State for Consular Affairs

Despite moments of challenge, in the end, all agreed that safety of the children is utmost. For long now, fear, trauma, anger, and disconnect have made it extremely difficult for everyone involved to come together. I believe all members within the adoption constellation, that is birth parents, adoptees, and adoptive parents, have suffered tremendous loss, but those losses and how they are experienced and processed are uniquely individual. However, I’m not the first to say, adoptees have had the least voice and suffered the greatest losses, yet have the most to be learned from because of our lived experience. We all need far greater awareness and acknowledgment of the losses, fears of rejection, feelings of shame and guilt and our own processes of grief for true healing to occur. We have to hear each other’s voices and not be put off by them, find connection through difference. I experienced the Symposium as a step towards changing the current environment, an opportunity for all voices to be listened to, despite great disparity at times among different groups. All in all, if intercountry adoption is to exist and we agree that those who should “benefit” the most – the adopted child, youth, adult adoptee – then we must guarantee long-term healing, safety and permanence for the adoptee through adoption practice and policy that provides greater protections.

What Protections?

Citizenship For ALL Adoptees. Today, an estimated thousands of intercountry adoptees who were adopted by U.S. parents are without U.S. citizenship due to a loophole that exists in current legislation. They remain at risk, unable to access critical services and rights. According to 18 Million Rising, 35 intercountry adoptees have been deported with more being targeted. Current legislation (Child Citizenship Act of 2000) granted citizenship to foreign-born adoptees adopted by U.S. citizens; however, the bill did not take effect until February 27, 2001, and as a result, adoptees who were 18-years old or older at the time were not covered unbeknownst to adoptive parents and adoptees. Deportation causes another significant trauma to those adoptees. They are torn away from family and forced to live in a country where they were relinquished, where they do not speak the language, understand the culture, nor have known family. They were guaranteed a “better life,” one of permanence, and yet have been failed. The Citizenship Act of 2019 would fix the loophole in current legislation and grant automatic citizenship to all adoptees; however, the bill remains tied up in Congress. Adoptee activists continue to engage with Congressmen/women and Senators to advance this bill, yet increased and ongoing Adoptee and Ally support is needed. I urge you to support this bill, get involved by donating, volunteering and/or contacting your legislators. Learn more at Adoptees for Justice, Adoptee Rights Campaign, Adoptee Rights Law. And for a brief history of this legislation, click here.

Ethical Adoption Practices. Regulatory oversight is critical to ensuring the safety and protection of children, as we know that those who would cause harm for profit have existed under unethical adoption practices across the history of intercountry adoption. At the Symposium, adoptive parents, Adam and Jessica Davis, shared their story of adopting a five-year old girl, Namata, from Uganda only to learn a year and a half later, as Namata’s English improved, that she had a loving mommy who cared for her back home. Upon further investigation, the family learned that, indeed Namata was not an orphan. Her mother had been tricked into sending her daughter to a family in the U.S. whom she believed would provide for her education and then be later returned home. The Davis’ did a remarkable thing, eventually vacating the adoption and reuniting Namata with her mother in Uganda. This is one family who stood against those who urged them to keep Namata, despite the injustices again her mother and the abhorrent trafficking that occurred. Jessica stated in an interview with CNN.

After unveiling Namata’s true story and doing extensive research, I feel I have gained an awareness of the realities of corruption occurring across the board within international adoption. This complicated yet beautiful act of opening up a home and a heart to a child in need has become heavily corrupted by greed and saviorism.

Jessica Davis, adoptive parent and activist – quote used with permission.

The U.S. adoption agency the Davis family worked with was later debarred. This is only one story, one family, one example of unethical adoption practice, though others exist. And yet, “Harm to even one adopted child is unacceptable.” (Carl Rische, opening statement). Unregulating standards is not the answer, as some alluded to, but efforts to thoroughly investigate a child’s “orphan” status among other things must continue.

Additionally, unregulated custody transfers (UCTs), also known as rehoming, endanger the lives of adopted children. UCT’s occur when parents transfer the physical custody of their child to a person who is not the child’s parent or other adult relative, or adult friend of the family with whom the child is familiar, with the intent of permanently avoiding responsibility for the child’s care and without taking reasonable steps to ensure the child’s safety or permanency of the placement (Child Welfare Information Gateway). Children adopted through foster care and intercountry adoption are at greater risk for UCT. A recent study found challenges associated with these adoptions – the child’s complex physical and behavioral health needs and difficulties finding and, furthermore, paying for needed health services, may lead families to seek out unregulated transfers (Brown, K., Morrison, E., Hartjes, E., Nguyen, N., Sweet, A. 2015. Steps have been taken to address unregulated custody transfers of adopted children. Washington, DC: Government Accountability Office. Retrieved from http://www.gao.gov/products/GAO-15-733). There is legislation currently pending on unregulated custody transfers.

Post-Adoption Services. At this time, there is no federal or state regulation or oversight guiding implementation of post-adoption services. Adoption service providers across the country are at their own discretion to offer such services. We heard from a number of adoptive parents who expressed great difficulty accessing needed resources and support after the finalization of adoption. Adoption service providers themselves agreed that this is the case. We know that children who are adopted are at higher risk for developing emotional, psychological, and behavioral problems as a result of disrupted attachments, trauma and identity issues, even though physically they may thrive in a safe and loving home. The emotional, psychological, and physical state of the birth mother during pregnancy also has tremendous impact on the child. The child brings all of this trauma into the adoptive family, which impacts every member of the family system, including siblings. With this knowledge comes great responsibility to help that child heal. The adoption journey really begins post-adoption. Most services are terminated at that time, yet ongoing support during the first few months and years following are critical to the healthy development and healing of the child.

Lastly, there is legislation pending related to intercountry adoption, but outcomes remain to be seen. And finally, I want to thank the Department of State for welcoming adoptees and birth parents to the Symposium and for showing support to those of us who attended. Thank you to my fellow adoptees for your passion, determination, and tireless efforts to make our voices heard. Huge thanks to Lynelle Long, who blazed the way for us to attend this event. We’ve reached a pivotal point. It is my hope that Adoptees can work alongside other stakeholders to achieve change that brings increased safety, protection, and healing to adoptees. We do need to get it right because so much is at stake, now more than ever, and the way forward is to include adoptees as part of the process.

To read Carl Rische’s introductory remarks at the Symposium in full, click here.

It’s always hard to say goodbye. My daughter and I spent a weekend in Seattle, Washington, for the annual Taiwan ROCKs event where adoptive families who have adopted children from Taiwan get together, catch up on each others’ lives, and make some fun memories. Each year, the event is held in a different city. There were about 16 families and 25 kids adopted from Taiwan, not including non-adopted siblings, and one sibling adopted from the DRC. We’re now heading back to California. It was a memorable experience, and I enjoyed connecting with so many families.

The event began on Friday night with a pizza fest at Angle Lake, a park within walking distance from our hotel. There were water features and playground equipment, and the kids looked like they were having a lot of fun. This year’s event was organized by Molly Gleason O’Brien and Kerry Murphy, two local moms. My daughter and I were welcomed, and I was pleasantly surprised when I saw Tien, the very woman who helped me find my birthfamily in Taipei, standing across the way talking to a family. Then it dawned on me that Tien lives in Seattle – I’d forgotten! Almost every family there, if not all, were connected to Tien in some way, as she helped some of the families with their adoptions. We spent the afternoon with Tien yesterday touring the city and eating lunch. It was lovely to spend time with her after our trip to Taiwan together in 2012, five years ago. I have never been able to return to Taiwan since.

On Saturday evening, I talked to the families after a BBQ dinner about my new book, “Beyond Two Worlds: A Taiwanese-American Adoptee’s Memoir & Search for Identity.” I spoke about how much international adoption has changed since the era that I and many other adult adoptees were adopted. I was struck by how many families had already taken their kids back to Taiwan, as it’s not common for adoptive parents to do so. Some adoptees had the opportunity to meet their birth mothers and extended birth family members. The trips were prompted by the kids’ curiosity about their early beginnings. It was unheard of years ago for adoptive parents to encourage their kids to explore their birth culture. I found that the parents at the event were sensitive to the importance of connecting their children to their birth culture. They appeared to understand the importance of open dialogue with their kids. I was very inspired by the support the families provide to each other and to their kids as they continue to ask questions around birth heritage. One mom told me that her daughter, age 11, wrote an essay about her adoption and birth family and loved to write. Most of the adoptees fell between the ages of 6-10. It was a pleasure to talk with these kids and learn their stories. Truly, the highlight of the trip was connecting with the young adoptees.

Taiwan ROCKs has approximately 400 families within its network. I was told that the Seattle ROCKs event was one of the smallest compared to past years. Nevertheless, I enjoyed every minute of it. Tien told me she believed that approximately 1,000 Taiwanese adoptions have occurred since the 1990’s, and most likely more, including adoptions that were private, or occurred without the assistance of an agency. Adoptions from Taiwan have declined significantly, as have international adoptions across all countries. There is a whole generation of young Taiwanese adoptees who I hope one day will support one another and perhaps even write their own memoir.

Yesterday, I had the great pleasure of attending the first annual Taiwanese American Film Festival at the Downtown Independent Theatre in LA. It was super fun, and I thoroughly enjoyed the experience. The purpose of the festival is to celebrate the achievements of new and rising Taiwanese American and Taiwanese international cinema artists. It was established by the Taiwanese American Professionals of Los Angeles. The event showcased film screenings by filmmakers from all over the world. It gave me a sense of pride as I reflected upon my own ever growing exploration of what it means to be Taiwanese American. The festival offered morning, day, and sunset sessions with an industry panel and a night block featuring an awards ceremony and closing feature. There was a closing party afterwards (which I didn’t attend, but am sure was loads of fun).

My friend and I arrived just in time for the Opening Shorts Block. These films ranged from stories that focused on family, culture, and the past. As audience members, we had the opportunity to vote for our favorite film afterwards. I enjoyed all eight, but one in particular really resonated with me, “My Adoption.” The director, Chuang-Chieh Liao, discovered he was adopted in his adult years, and his film explores this newfound knowledge in a conversation with his adoptive mom. Interestingly, Chuang-Chieh was adopted by a Taiwanese family in Taiwan. He wrote the film as an international student during his first quarter at DePaul University in Chicago where he was pursuing a MFA. He stated about the film, “I just wanted to face the fear that was always in my mind. I had lost part of childhood memory. Three years ago, I found out that I was adopted. That’s when the memory came back to my brain. After I came to Chicago, I decided to call my mother and ask the details about my adoption for the first time.” 

I don’t want to give too much of the film away, but the emotions behind the question that Chuang-Chieh asks his adoptive mother are quite tender, and we see how deeply he struggles to grasp at answers. Some members of his family were very conservative and opposed his adoption. As a result, he grew up without their love and support, and his adoptive parents were blamed for their inability to have a biological child. Especially poignant, we see childhood pictures of Chuang-Chieh with his adoptive parents in flashes as he converses with his mother over the phone. His parents loved him – it’s obvious, and we learn why they withheld sharing his adoption for so long. As I sat and watched this film, I was reminded that whether adoption occurs domestically in the US/abroad or through inter-country adoption, adoption is complex. But also, adoptive parents love their children. I’m not talking about abusive parents, neglectful parents, or parents who adopt for the wrong reasons. And this post doesn’t address the corruption that exists in adoption. Adoption is just complex on many different levels. It’s a tangled web of emotions and discovery across the lifespan that takes time to unravel, and it’s certainly a life-long journey for the adoptee, biological parents, and adoptive family. I”m sure that Chuang-Chieh continues to process the decision his adoptive parents made to adopt and love him despite such opposition from their own family in Taiwan. There is a social stigma that exists in Taiwan (and other Asian countries) towards adoption, especially if the child has a special need.

I wanted to know more after watching this brief, yet powerful film. It was one of the shorter films, approximately 4 minutes, and subtitled in English, as most of the films were. Unfortunately, Chuang-Chieh wasn’t present at the festival. I would have loved to talk to him about his experience and film. How cool it was to see a Taiwanese filmmaker explore his own personal experience of adoption.

My friend and I missed the Centerpiece Shorts Block, as we had lunch with some of her friends at a nearby restaurant, but some of the shorts are available to watch on Vimeo. Click here to see a listing of all the films and synopses. We did attend the Industry Panel featuring 5 actors/producers/writers: Lynn Chen (actress) of “Saving Face,” by Sony Pictures, Alan Pao (Producer) founder and CEO of Tunnel Post Production, Kai Wu (Writer), Charles Yu (Writer) and Kelvin Yu (Writer/Actor). Kai writes for the NBC TV series, “Hannibal” and CWs, “The Flash.” Charles writes for HBO’s “Westworld” and has authored multiple books. Kelvin currently writes for the Fox animated series, “Bob’s Burgers” and the Netflix comedy, “Master of None.” Very interesting and entertaining to learn how each of the panelists began their careers.

I hope that you’ll take a few minutes to watch, “My Adoption,” by Chuang-Chieh Liao. I’m linking his short here via Vimeo. Thank you, Chuang-Chieh, for making such a meaningful film that will surely resonate with other adoptees.

https://vimeo.com/194565896