bargaining

9 Replies

there’s a little piece of me that dies a little bit
every time i get on the freakin’ 710
my personal hell, running late yet again
mind you, i’m no weakling, ha
but life in the fast lane
makes my heart sink
and as the days grow longer
so do my siiigghhhs…
inhale, exhale like the rolling of the tide
aiming at where i truly wanna be
still so much life to live and see
freer yet than i’ve ever been
still, i’m bargaining for that absolute win
one life to live, i have nothing left to give
sing me a tune, let me savor some magick
to dispel this evil ill and all that feels so damn tragic

Across the Universe, covered by Fiona Apple. How I love Fiona Apple. I thought this song fit the poem, it’s tone, mood, and lyrics. The meaning of “jai guru deva” is literally “glory to the shining remover of darkness.” It reminds to bring into mind a higher consciousness, a connection to my soul, Nature, the earth, and to ground daily in order to get through the days of constantly giving so much of my energy. Sometimes helping is fucking exhausting. Full lyrics here.

Photo by Ciocan Ciprian on Unsplash

9 thoughts on “bargaining”

  2. camilla wells paynter's avatarcamilla wells paynter

    You’ve done it again! Masterful. I know what you are feeling and you’ve expressed it so well, I feel it all over again. I love your italics for emphasis. It’s like you’re punching a heavy bag. And the subtle, almost-rhymes add to that rhythm.

    The song is perfect! I was actually listening to the radio, and just as I scrolled to the video, my phone lost WiFi connection and shut off the music! The Universe said, “Hey, watch the video.” 🙂 So I did. Wow. It’s just perfect for your poem. A sort of alternate universe in which prim 1950’s American office and service workers engage in collective violent revolt, while Fiona Apple maintains perfect peace in the midst of strife. In the end only one object is salvaged and held precious: the records from the jukebox!

    This brought tears to my eyes: “Limitless undying love which shines around me like a million suns/ It calls me on and on across the universe/ Jai guru deva, om.” Hang in there. Find the jukebox records wherever you can, and it will begin to get better.

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  3. MyGenXerLife's avatarMyGenXerLife

    If I had to rank the freeways of Southern California, the 710 would be pretty low. I’m not a fan of the trucks and I wish there was another lane. The 5 is bad, but at least they are expanding the lanes at certain stretches. I feel your pain.

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