Tag Archives: Mental Health

Summering

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Four more weeks of summering. I’ve been preoccupied with the impending return to work and have to remind myself to be here now, enjoy the time I have left on break. Still time to relax and explore. Such a sharp contrast from the previous months.

Orchid Quartet

I went to a Candlelight Concert on The Queen Mary the other night. I’m so glad I did! Female group, Orchid Quartet, performed Metallica. There were some diehard Metallica fans hooping and hollering throughout the concert. I love Metallica too and had a front row seat! It was an intimate, cozy event. I felt called to return to my musical roots. Music, my first love. Probably my last! I regret selling my digital piano, but there is truly no room in my tiny space for something that large. I’ll have to settle for picking up my guitar and ukulele. I’m always on the hunt for new music and inspiring artists.

We were permitted to videorecord the last two numbers. Pieces performed included many of Metallica’s greatest hits, including Enter Sandman, Nothing Else Matters, and Master of Puppets. And they did a lovely cover of Whiskey in the Jar. I liked how the quartet were so interactive with the audience. It was all great fun. I uploaded the video I took of Nothing Else Matters below. It was so much better live, of course. Hope to see more of Orchid Quartet in the future and attend more Candlelight Concerts! I got a groovy t-shirt to support Orchid Quartet and remember what a fun time I had. Enjoy!

Soul Aligned

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Good day, one and all! I hope you’re enjoying the summer days. I’m grateful that the weather continues to be mild here. The pink and purple twilights are magical. What I love most about this summer break from university is the freedom in which I can move and breathe at my own pace. Ahhhh, slow, meditative mornings with my cup of coffee. Movies in the evenings. Solitude and ritual. It’s been a breath of fresh air, and I feel I’m moving forward with the energy of The Sun, toward new beginnings with the Ace of Pentacles.

I’ve been meditating on my past, present, and future. I spoke of liminal spaces in my last post. It seems that for the past two years, I’ve occupied such a space. Though there has been significant discomfort, I’m learning to embrace the strange, uncomfortable juxtoposition of being “in-between,” forward moving, yet not quite “there.” Death and rebirth, summer’s theme. What is dying? What is being rebirthed? Or birthed?

The notion of building a sound healing practice seems to have taken root, a tiny seed planted. With care, perhaps it’ll bloom and grow. Self-employment is quite scary to me. I had a private practice for two years, and I know how hard it is to establish a thriving small business and maintain financial stability. The weeds. I’ve been a board-certified music therapist since 2009 and recently began training in sound healing, utilizing singing bowls and other instruments, chanting, researching the science behind sound medicine. Yes, there is more research now than ever. I facilitated four sound healing groups last semester and a number of drum circles at work. I would facilitate such sessions much differently in a private practice.

My primary instrument is piano. I majored in piano performance then learned guitar and drumming during the course of my music therapy studies, a requirement to obtain certification. I sing, though it’s not my strong suit. I obtained training in group drum circle facilitation years ago, fell in love with the drum. I miss my piano and playing dearly. I feel that music is calling to me again, my first love. Full circle, perhaps. Interestingly, I have listened to less music than ever before. Silence has been like a balm.

The birth of a sound healing practice is slow, very slow, intentionally. There are so many sound healing practitioners these days, especially in California. It’s almost trendy at the moment. Yet, my intention is to help people along their spiritual and wellness journey, to enhance, to restore, to create an opening for self-discovery and increased spirituality. We’ll see how things develop over the next year. The story continues as I tune into my heart and intuition, caring for the sacred practice I hope to build, one step at a time. 

Photo by petr sidorov on Unsplash

Rage

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color of rage

I have been hermit-ing this summer – doing some shadow work and exploring anger and rage. In the past, I was not very easily anger; however, I’ve noticed that I’ve become quick to anger and irritibility these days.

I was raised in a home where emotions were not expressed. I have a difficult relationship with my adoptive mother. She was emotionally dysregulated frequently in the home, exploded into rage and anger at the drop of a hat. No one would have known outside of immediate family. I grew up fearful of her and her erratic moods. My adoptive father and I tended to walk on eggshells. I received the brunt of her anger; dad was runner up. My adolescent years were the most turbulent in the home. My mom became physically aggressive during that period. Anger felt foreign in the past. Now, it’s familiar. I excused others’ anger toward me for a greater part of my life. Now I am the angry one.

I found some old, angry artwork that I painted years ago, probably after an argument. And the poem above was written more recently. To craft a sacred alter to rage, anger. This, too, along my spiritual journey, to explore blocks, emotional truth, blindspots. To evolve and heal. I am finding support through the Kali Oracle deck by Alaina Fairchild, illustrated by Jimmy Manton. She is simply fierce, and her spirit is inspiring.