Tag Archives: Mental Health

a gentle life

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I want a slow, simple, peaceful life,
one that doesn’t ask me to live on edge,
one that doesn’t grind my bones to dust
just to pay the goddamn rent.

A life where enough is enough,
where healing is a calling
that feeds me too,
not just everyone else.

I want mornings that open softly,
light pouring in without alarms,
hands in fur and feathers,
the quiet language of animals
teaching me how to breathe again.

I don’t want castles.
I don’t want keys to forever.
I don’t even care about a home.
Just a place where love is close,
where the ones I need
are within reach of my voice.

Why is that so goddamn hard?
Why does something so small
feel near impossible,
like asking the world to stop spinning
for one gentle hour?

And still, inside this tired chest,
there lives a stubborn spark
that keeps whispering,
there has to be more than this,
there has to be a slower way to live.

So I hold that whisper
like a candle in the dark
and dream of a life
that doesn’t hurt to wake up to.

Photo by Toni Reed on Unsplash

Summering

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Four more weeks of summering. I’ve been preoccupied with the impending return to work and have to remind myself to be here now, enjoy the time I have left on break. Still time to relax and explore. Such a sharp contrast from the previous months.

Orchid Quartet

I went to a Candlelight Concert on The Queen Mary the other night. I’m so glad I did! Female group, Orchid Quartet, performed Metallica. There were some diehard Metallica fans hooping and hollering throughout the concert. I love Metallica too and had a front row seat! It was an intimate, cozy event. I felt called to return to my musical roots. Music, my first love. Probably my last! I regret selling my digital piano, but there is truly no room in my tiny space for something that large. I’ll have to settle for picking up my guitar and ukulele. I’m always on the hunt for new music and inspiring artists.

We were permitted to videorecord the last two numbers. Pieces performed included many of Metallica’s greatest hits, including Enter Sandman, Nothing Else Matters, and Master of Puppets. And they did a lovely cover of Whiskey in the Jar. I liked how the quartet were so interactive with the audience. It was all great fun. I uploaded the video I took of Nothing Else Matters below. It was so much better live, of course. Hope to see more of Orchid Quartet in the future and attend more Candlelight Concerts! I got a groovy t-shirt to support Orchid Quartet and remember what a fun time I had. Enjoy!

Soul Aligned

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Good day, one and all! I hope you’re enjoying the summer days. I’m grateful that the weather continues to be mild here. The pink and purple twilights are magical. What I love most about this summer break from university is the freedom in which I can move and breathe at my own pace. Ahhhh, slow, meditative mornings with my cup of coffee. Movies in the evenings. Solitude and ritual. It’s been rejuvenating.

I am in the process of building a sound therapy practice. Starting a new practice is quite scary. I had a private practice for two years, and I know how hard it is to grow a business and make it thrive. I’ve been a board-certified music therapist since 2009 and recently began training in sound therapy utilizing singing bowls and other resonant instruments, chanting, researching the science behind sound medicine. I facilitated some sound therapy groups last semester at the university as well as a number of small drum circles. 

My primary instrument is piano. I studied piano performance in undergrad then years later learned guitar and drumming while studying music therapy, a requirement to obtain certification. I sing, though it’s not my strong suit. I trained in group drum circle facilitation years ago, fell in love with the drum. I miss my piano and playing dearly. Music is clearly my medicine. Interestingly, I have listened to less music than ever before. Silence is like a balm.

The birth of a sound therapy practice is slow work. My hope is to help people along their spiritual and wellness journey, to enhance, to restore, to create an opening for self-discovery and increased spirituality. I’ll keep you posted on my progress.

Photo by petr sidorov on Unsplash

Rage

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color of rage

I have been hermit-ing this summer – doing some shadow work and exploring anger and rage. In the past, I was not very easily anger; however, I’ve noticed that I’ve become quick to anger and irritibility these days.

I was raised in a home where emotions were not expressed. I have a difficult relationship with my adoptive mother. She was emotionally dysregulated frequently in the home, exploded into rage and anger at the drop of a hat. No one would have known outside of immediate family. I grew up fearful of her and her erratic moods. My adoptive father and I tended to walk on eggshells. I received the brunt of her anger; dad was runner up. My adolescent years were the most turbulent in the home. My mom became physically aggressive during that period. Anger felt foreign in the past. Now, it’s familiar. I excused others’ anger toward me for a greater part of my life. Now I am the angry one.

I found some old, angry artwork that I painted years ago, probably after an argument. And the poem above was written more recently. To craft a sacred alter to rage, anger. This, too, along my spiritual journey, to explore blocks, emotional truth, blindspots. To evolve and heal. I am finding support through the Kali Oracle deck by Alaina Fairchild, illustrated by Jimmy Manton. She is simply fierce, and her spirit is inspiring.