to lay down my armor would mean
letting you in,
and letting you in would mean
allowing the vulnerability i’ve fiercely guarded
until now
to surface
to breathe
to leave myself wide open to feel

but i don’t want to feel, i argue with myself
it’s safer to let the vulnerability lie in the shadows
where my heart cannot be pierced,
the fear of being disappointed assuaged

yet my heart yearns for light,
to break free from the chains that bind it
the weight of shadows bearing down
until breathing feels like resistance

what is this feeling that generates such unrest?
perhaps i know underneath it all
but remain too fearful to examine it

the door is opening, light spilling in uninvited
as if beckoning me to take a chance
will life conspire in my favor
or will my heart break again?

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Photo by vitor camilo on Unsplash