Tag Archives: Creative Process

life is anything but…

12 Replies

Hello World. I moved this week over Spring break. Thankfully, I had the week off. My third move in two years, post divorce. It’s been rather stressful. Don’t get me wrong, I love my new place, and the area is terrific. It’s very small, yet much closer to the beach. I have gone back and forth to Goodwill to donate stuff all week, and still, there are boxes of stuff, a closet full of stuff, and wall art that won’t work in the space. I think I may have to sell my digital piano, as it doesn’t fit anywhere. I sold my newish dining table and other things to decrease stuff. I am trying not to complain, as I truly love the area. And the neighbors on either side of my unit seem great. It’s just been tough, and I’m heading back to work next Monday. More to do, as my car is also having issues that must be addressed. Tomorrow, I’ll spend the day at the automotive shop. Timing, it feels as though I’m swimming upstream. I’m staying put for as long as possible!

The week before the move, I began having panic attacks – again. Haven’t had one in a while. I’m grateful they weren’t as bad as others. No ER or EMTs. I moved due to a feral cat situation at my last rental that never went away. The cats continued to poop on the property. A month before I decided to break the lease, the homeowner finally addressed it by putting rock on the front lawn and wire on the fence in the backyard as deterrents. It did very little, as the cats continued to show up, as though to say, “Stupid humans; we own the place.” The neighbor next door feeds and cares for the cats and has done so forever. So if anyone were to go, it was me. Homeowner refused to release me from the lease, which doesn’t end until July 1st. It has just sucked all around.

I hope that moving will eventually bring peace of mind. My car was starting to smell like cat poop – gross! Okay, so this is the end of my little rant. I know somewhere there’s a rainbow.

Photo by Illiya Vjestica on Unsplash

waning gibbous

8 Replies

Good afternoon or evening wherever you may be. We’re heading into a new month very soon. I have some wishes for May that I hope come to pass. We shall see.

I’ve been struggling with hyper-fatigue for the past couple of months. It’s worsened and become more difficult in the last month to do anything other than make it in to work and back home. I boxed yesterday and felt really tired afterward. Usually, boxing energizes me, but yesterday, I needed to take several little breaks during class. I have very stiff, sore muscles today, as it’s been nearly 3 weeks since I last boxed due to fatigue. Stretching is in order, but there is a part of me that wants to do more strenuous exercise, like boxing. I miss it. The weekends are just not long enough for restoration, and most days, I wish I could just stay in bed and do nothing. As such, I haven’t been writing as much as I’d like to. Just no energy to think or for creativity. I’m hoping that by Fall, my schedule has changed so that I’ll have more time away from work, particularly summer, winter, and spring recesses. At times, I feel angry that work takes the better part of my day and energy, and yet one has to make a living. So, I do my best at self-care, although I eat way too much ice cream, lol.

We’re also in the first phase after a Full Moon, the Waning Gibbous phase. The moon’s energy is decreasing, and it’s a good time to focus inward. The waning period is associated with letting go of that which does not serve you, e.g., self-limiting beliefs or fears that are holding you back, changing one’s schedule! There will be a New Moon on May 8th. I love New Moons and like to set new intentions in the hopes that with focus, time, and energy, my intentions have come to fruition by the time the Full Moon arrives, or are at least heading in that direction. I journal my intentions to help me commit and map out necessary steps toward achieving them. A Full Moon arrives every 29.5 days roughly. Our next Full Moon is on May 23rd, and it’s known as the Flower Moon – it coincides with the blooming of many flowers in the northern hemisphere. But first things first – focusing inward and letting go of things that no longer serve. Can you tell that I love talking about the moon? There are some things I’m working on letting go of in order to conserve my energy. Unfortunately, socializing is one of them. So less time with groups of people. Solitude is restorative – another reason I avoided the gym, or perhaps an excuse not to go???

Wherever you are in the world, I’m wishing you a very good and healthful week. Thanks again for following/subscribing to my blog. May you look inward and let go of that which no longer serves 🙂 🌖 🌕 🌔

Photo by Guillermo Ferla on Unsplash

a fireside lullaby

4 Replies

sing to me a lullaby

of peace and joy and loves gone by

take my hand and let’s get high

on fragrant blooms, the midnight sky

dance with the wind to our hearts content

at home with the redwoods, my dearest friends

nature beckons promising solace

for she is divine and perfectly flawless

want to be like the angels as i journey forth

seeking truth, giving love,

wings to fly evermore North

The Rising, Essie Jain. A beautiful, poetic piece. 

Photo by Toa Heftiba on Unsplash

total eclipse of the sun

Leave a reply

the moon decided to eclipse today
the fair sun along its merry way
between the earth and brightest star
a path predestined from afar
a phenomenal sight to behold
another not to occur for years, I’m told
though not on the path of totality
awed nonetheless by our Celestial Galaxy
a time to awaken, heal and expand
set your intentions, expect the grand
life is too short, we have only today
live with intention, live to play
for work is a necessity, will always be there
but a life well lived, truly one cannot spare

All right, so this is not the best poem, but i felt moved to honor the solar eclipse today. And, I wrote it during my lunch break, lol. I went for a walk at 11:11am, the peak of the eclipse in my area, and there was a couple sitting on the curb, trying to catch a glimpse of the eclipse with a metal strainer. They were talking with a stranger, who just so happened to have eclipse glasses. He let each of us borrow them. I saw the eclipse, and it was the coolest thing ever! I’ve never seen any eclipse in real time, and this will probably be the only solar eclipse I see in my lifetime, as the next one won’t occur until 2044 or 2045. So it was really special! Cheers! I hope you were able to enjoy the solar eclipse.

Photo by Unsplash in collaboration with Alex Shuper

forever shimmering

2 Replies

may my heart always be open
no matter how broken
sail through to the light
on the other side
may i be like the tides
take each challenge in stride
ebb and flow to the beat of my own drum
when i feel like i’m failing
bad decisions i’m making
may i be determined to fight, not flee
despite feeling cheated
occasionally defeated
there’s a fire inside,
a courage that guides
when hope seems to have disappeared
may i be like the ocean
though perpetually in motion
forever shimmering reflectively

Photo by Rafael Garcin on Unsplash

more than a flicker

6 Replies

you and i are

more than a moment,

more than a flicker

in a world getting sicker and sicker

when one wonders if anyone cares

and life seems shitty, unfair

you, darling, are one in a million

in a sky filled with a billion

wicked stars in the sky

perpetually evolving, you and i

reaching high for our zenith,

a connection shared between us

on me you can always rely,

a trustful ally

holding up a light

when no longer you can fight

the hurt you hide inside

fall into me,

can i help you see that you are

more than just a moment,

more than just a flicker

i see in you all that glitters

Inspired by Linkin Park’s One More Light. Full lyrics here. After reading Fox Reviews Rock post on Friendly Fire, another song I love, I spent the day listening to Linkin Park. I’ve loved this band for a long time. It made me think, are we all not looking to be seen in this big, bad world? So, I wish for you the following:

May you feel seen and heard. May you be peaceful and happy. And may you be safe and free.

Photo by Muhammad Ali on Unsplash

at my edge

9 Replies

beyond the edge
of human emotion
time stands still,
like magic in moments frozen
lost in such luminosity
consumed by an insatiable curiosity
and wanting more
body, mind, soul and spirit
held in most brilliant of light
angels sing over me in quiet delight
whispering a chorus in my ear
you need not fear, all is well
forever and gladly under your spell
i get lost, leave behind this world
when life’s fury lets loose and unfurls
confusion, the illusion that 
i’m falling, falling and overwhelmed
I am held up by you,
and in your arms i breathe
knowing i am always seen
for where you are, nothing ever fails
the veil is lifted
breathe into me
for then i am surely free

Music will always be my first love ❤ It is the great unifier when we cannot come together around anything else. I have listened to this song a million and one times. It never grows old and is one of my all-time favorites. And Lindsey Buckingham is hot, LOL.

Photo by Julia Kadel on Unsplash

let them live

10 Replies

untamed and free,
thousands living in the wild
hoofbeats resounding mile after mile
a thunderous rhythm
across wilderness and plains,
wind weaving through
fierce mane and tail
you only want what you deserve
to live freely, unharmed
among your sacred herd
yet threatened by inhumanity
savage humans cause you suffering,
mercilessly separated from your families
immoral men bring upon you calamity
where’s the compassion, justice
and humanity?
save the wild mustangs,
let them live
such brutality,
i cannot forgive

Last year, 20,370 American horses were shipped out of the country to be slaughtered. Most sent to slaughter are in good condition, according to a USDA study. They include an unknown number of mustangs that once roamed freely across our public lands. These horses endure terror, trauma, and pain in crowded trailers without food, water or rest. This will continue day after day, until Congress finally stops it. Urge Congress to support the SAFE Act to end horse slaughter – Return to Freedom Wild Horse Conservation

Take Action for Wild and Domestic Horses and Burros

Wild horses, mustangs, and burros suffer year after year because the Bureau of Land Management wants to control their population in the most brutal way. These animals are chased by helicopter for miles, separated from their families, rounded up and then sent on to be slaughtered. Horses, like humans, build strong familial bonds/friendships within their herds. Some are rescued at auctions by organizations like Return to Freedom, and Skydog Sanctuary; others are not so fortunate. Please urge your Congresspeople to support the SAFE Act.

Photo by Michael Anfang on Unsplash

anthem of the trees

4 Replies

Mother Earth, you are not yet lost
your rivers, oceans, mountains, and trees
raise their voice in desperate plea
a call to all beings,
an anthem of freedom
that cannot be ignored
feel the pulse of the land
steady now as ever before
listen, listen to its command
to all peoples everywhere
bear witness to the hand
of careless humans
who’ve lost the way,
blinded by a lust for gain
what will they say when all is lost,
beauty, purity carelessly tossed?
we weep oceans in grief
our souls in grave disbelief
can’t you hear the trees sing?
songs of peace they mightily ring,
they will not be enslaved to those depraved
life is sacred,
we are connected,
raise the collective must we

Cantus Iteratus by Karl Jenkins from Adiemus-Songs of Sanctuary. Cantus iteratus in Latin means “repeated song.” I’m living in this album. If you read my last post, I’ve been lost in this music lately. It’s truly breathtaking. Thank you, Karl Jenkins, for this masterpiece. I was drawn to the steady pulse of the percussion and lower strings and the beautiful chorus of female voices in this piece. I thought it truly conveyed the spirit of the poem. It sounds like an anthem, march-like and jubilant, and it steadily grows and grows until the end when the music softly trails away, much like the beginning. So clever and enlightened, I think. Our earth is being destroyed, and it deeply saddens me. I wanted that to be present in the poem, but also hope that we can make changes collectively. I think the music brings that to life. The piece reminds me a little of Treebeard and the Ents in Lord of the Rings. I hope you give it a listen as you read this poem. I wrote it at work yesterday during breaks, lol! Oh, and full lyrics to the piece are here.

Photo by Dave Hoefler on Unsplash

player

3 Replies

if i told you my name
would it change
how you play the game
would you say i’m to blame
for being certifiably insane?
follow me downtown into the dark
shadows dancing,
pink lights entrancing
going out on a lark
down the avenue of right or wrong
pick your poison
give battle or belong
take the path of least resistance
when lights go dim,
you’ve been outdistanced
down the curious rabbit hole
hold onto yourself,
stay in control
down on your knees,
trying to please
are you brave enough
to break free?
go ahead, call me crazy
i’ll remain nameless
sensible, sane, hard, and blameless
end to end,
don’t wanna be judged
only enlightened
way done being frightened
hey i’m a player, too

In the spirit of The Hand That Feeds, by NIN. 

Photo by Victor Rodriguez on Unsplash

hit it

3 Replies

take a deep dive with me
into the madness
i promise,
won’t leave empty-handed
kick off your shoes, stay awhile
we’ll run barefoot,
take a day trip,
roamin’ freestyle
do cartwheels and hot wheels
and blissfully land in
adventures and play
with quite the abandon
wear our shiny crowns,
can you dig it?
blazin’ this lazy town
like we’re moonlit
are you along for the ride,
feeling committed?
follow me, babe,
let’s go,
and we’ll hit it

This is a short, nonsensical poem, just for the sheer fun of it. Fun to play with words, an adventure in and of itself.

Be Yourself, Audioslave – 2005 album, Out of Exile, debuted number one on Billboard. Be Yourself went to the top of the charts. Though the song is moody, I thought the name of it, Be Yourself, fit the spirit of this poem. I’ve taken a deep dive this weekend into Audioslave. Chris Cornell, I think, has one of the best male voices in the grunge movement. RIP.

Photo by Olivia Bauso on Unsplash

let the music play on

2 Replies

let the music play on
for therein is real magic
sweet melody,
like the air i breathe
life fades away
angels and devils at play
songs that save my soul
this brokenness indeed made whole
forever young, forever free
give me the beat of a drum
and i’ll soar for eternity

This song by the Foo Fighters, “Rest,” is like a lullaby of sorts. Although I’m not sure of the meaning, I feel that it’s a tribute to Foo Fighters’ beloved drummer, Taylor Hawkins, who died in 2022. I was so saddened by the news of his death believed to have been caused by a drug overdose and an enlarged heart, as I’m a huge Taylor Hawkins fan. There are some great rock n’ roll drummers, including Dave Grohl, but there is something about Hawkins that I loved. The way to my heart will always be through music ♡ Wish that I had more experience drumming!

Feature Photo Taylor Hawkins performing in 2018 CC BY 2.0. Credit: Raph PH

hey, thanks

4 Replies

I hope you’re enjoying a restful, restorative weekend! I just wanted to take a moment to say thank you for visiting and taking time to read my poems, posts, etc. It truly means the world. It’s laughable, I never thought I’d ever write poetry. Okay, so it’s not great poetry, but the process is incredibly rewarding and even more so, healing.

I have loved writing since the time I could hold a pencil. Yes, I was that geek in school with the straight bangs and glasses who loved, yes loved, practicing cursive. The act of forming each letter was like art.

I started this blog in 2010 primarily upon the encouragement of a group of individuals I knew in high school, and a teacher who was very well liked by the students, Carole Ann Kaplan. We all created WordPress blogs and began posting stuff. Since then, so many other platforms to write and subscribe to have popped up. My posts began as a journey to find my birthfamily in Taiwan. I wrote a memoir about that journey. Things have changed tremendously since then, and the book would be much, much different now…I don’t write about adoption very often anymore, but elements of grief and loss, attachment, rejection, okay, yes, unrequited love, and longing that I’ve experienced as a result of adoption, I’m sure, influence my prose.

So, thank you, dear readers for following this blog, reading my silly poems, and sharing space with me. It’s really nice to read your posts as well, and I”m grateful for the support. Happy writing, and may you have a lovely rest of your day.

Photo by Wilhelm Gunkel on Unsplash

Enjoy this beautiful tune! A friend recently introduced me to Father John Misty, though he’s been around for awhile. I’ve had this song on repeat 🙂