Tag Archives: Creativity

Honor Rest & Renewal on Samhain

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Today, I pause. I breathe. I rest and honor my ancestors on this blessed Samhain.

I’m grateful to have the day off – to simply be. To sit in stillness and solitude without the weight of expectation feels like a blessing in itself. The veil is thin today, and I lean into the presence of those who came before me – my birth mother and father, and the lineage of ancestors whose names I may never know. I honor them, and I honor the mystery that connects us across time and space.

Lately, life has felt full and demanding. I’m working full-time again, and though I hoped summer break would bring the restoration I so deeply needed, fatigue seems to have returned too soon. Halfway through the fall semester, I find myself wondering how to sustain balance – how to counsel others, meet the demands of my current job while not forgetting myself.

My dream remains clear: To eventually transition into full-time sound therapy work. Supporting my adult daughter these past two years has delayed that shift, yet I hold faith that in time, things will align. When she finds her footing, I’ll be able to step more fully into the work my heart longs for, creating healing spaces through resonance, stillness, and sound.

Despite the challenges, I’m proud of the small steps forward. I’ve completed my website, OM Sacred Sound Journeys, a milestone that feels like planting a tiny seed. Beginning next February, I’ll offer bi-weekly sound therapy sessions, a sacred rhythm I hope will grow into something sustainable and nourishing. 

I’m reconnecting with my musical roots, singing and playing for a herd I once worked with in equine-assisted psychotherapy and slowly returning to my guitar after years away. These small acts of reconnection remind me that healing unfolds gradually, as does starting a private practice.

Self-employment feels both thrilling and terrifying. The freedom to follow my calling is overshadowed by the very real worries of bills, rent, health insurance, and all the practicalities of life. Yet amidst uncertainty, I sense that this path is where I’m meant to go.

So today, under the quiet light of Samhain, I choose rest. I choose reflection. I choose to listen deeply to the whispers of my ancestors, to the call of my own heart, and to stillness. May this season bring renewal, remembrance, and faith in what is yet to come.

Photo by Catherine Crawford on Unsplash

Dark Moon

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Hello World! Wow, it’s been a minute since I last visited WordPress. It is the eve of Mabon and the Autumn Equinox – if you live in the Northern hemsphere – and  Ostara and the Spring Equinox – if you live in the Southern hemisphere. I will be observing Mabon bright and early first thing tomorrow morning before work…sigh…with a group of other like-minded and spirited individuals. It is also a dark moon or new moon, my favorite.

I am not a morning person, well, more accurately, I’m a slowwwww morning person and hate rushing. I am not a fan of the 8am-5pm work-life schedule of which I am now bound, against the clock at every damn minute of the day. Who’s idea was that anyway? I’m dreaming of cutting that cord, but the day has not yet arrived.

And so the wheel of the year continues…one cycle ends making space for a new one. What lessons have I learned? What paths have I traversed? Hmm…Life has been one continuous wheel of never-ending “tower moments” for the past two and a half years. I hope something more peace loving and soul aligned arrives soon. 

Things that keep me grounded during tower moments include art and spirituality. Collaging has become a beloved outlet, a wide open space to tap into creative expression. It’s such a satisfying artistic art form. I love designing a collage, selecting the photos, pictures, etc, to create a narrative. Maybe I’m the only one who gets it, but who cares! My spiritual practice has taken a nose dive now that I’m back at work. But little moments here and there are better than none at all.

I hope to travel to Taiwan over the winter break in January to visit my birthfamily. My eldest sister has already reserved a hotel. It’s been 13 years since I last saw my birthfamily. I never intended to wait such a long time to revisit. We are much older, and good health is not guaranteed to any of us. I truly hope I will have the energy to be present with my family, not some shell of myself. This academic year, I vowed not to get to the level of burnout I experienced last year. Steps to protect my energy are always at the forefront of my mind. 

In the meantime, welcome Autumn! I look forward to cooler days, to pumpkin pie, and the holiday season. Oh, and to slowing down, of course. Autumn is my favorite time of the year! I do love it so. Hoping you are all safe and well wherever you are. May cooler weather bring a welcome change of pace into your life!

Feature Photo by Šimom Caban on Unsplash

Photo Gallery: Collages by moi!

Lotus Summer

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Greetings! I’m enjoying the last few days of summer before I head back to work. Tomorrow. I must say, I look forward to Fall and the change of season. Mabon falls on September 22nd, which gives me something to look forward to. At the risk of sounding like a broken record, summer has been immensely restorative; I’ll refer to it as Lotus Summer. Lotus flowers are deeply symbolic in many cultures. Lotuses grow in murky, shallow waters. They rise from the mud without stain, and are therefore viewed as a symbol of purity. Because they return to the water in the evening and open their blooms at the break of day, lotuses represent strength, resilience, and rebirth, as well as transcendence: The lotus symbolizes the human spirit transcending over worldly matter since it blooms from the underworld into the light. I feel, in many ways, like the Lotus.

It’s been a summer of exploring themes around death and rebirth, cycles, beginnings and endings, blooming, rising up from the mud. When last semester ended, I was physically, mentally, and emotionally exhausted. It dawned on me recently how little I accounted for the impact of divorce on my wellbeing. I was functioning on adrenaline those first several months of the divorce proceedings. And when it wore off, I plummeted. I’ve discovered that there’s much literature on the impact of divorce on individuals, how it affects their work lives, relationships, and emotional and physical health. I grossly underestimated my ability to manage work, the loss of my dog and support of my daughter, financial instability, three moves, starting over. I thought I was stronger, better, more capable, more confident. But I sank, and I’m usually a stronger swimmer than that.

It’s now late summer – Rebirth. I am standing, not sinking. The divorce no longer feels like a black hole. There are moments of deep sadness and grief. I’m not sure one ever gets over it completely. That’s just me. A friend of mine, a psychotherapist who divorced years ago, told me to expect a three-year-mucking-through-shit; my sound healing mentor, also divorced, said give it five. I rolled my eyes. How little did I know. It’s year two.

I read recently,

The lessons we learn along our journey and the pains that come along with them are but stages on the wheel of regeneration.

Death Doula Oracle – author & photographer – Theodore Saint & Chris Williams

Indeed. So much gratitude for the time off to recover, to regenerate. Solitude and rest were the medicine, and making the request to change my 12-month contract to academic year may have saved my life. I have spent everyday this summer writing and recently took to collaging my journals. Can’t wait to collage my next. Also into drawing dragons of late. Interestingly, I barely listened to any music; much more preferred silence. The only other time I could not bear to listen to music was after the death of my first dachshund, Peppermint. I’m slowly weaving my way back to some favorite artists and bands from the 80s – that era holds a certain nostalgia in my heart that’s quite comforting. And, I miss my younger self. I’ve shared a few moments of summer inspiration here.

And, on I go. Wishing you all a beautiful day. Stop and marvel at the tiny things that bring you joy and pleasure. May you tend to the soil of YOU!

-Photos above were taken at Laguna Beach, CA, by moi on a venture with a friend.

-Yummy matcha coffee & garden pics taken at Anima Mundi Apothecary in Venice, CA.

-My collaged journal-Summer theme: Death/rebirth/exploring the shadows within.

-Little dragon ouroboros drawing-not yet finished, but I’ll eventually get to it.

-Purchase the Death Doula Oracle cards here. They’re powerful cards for working with themes around transition, transformation, death, endings and are absolutely gorgeous.

Feature Photo by Kristijan Arsov on Unsplash

The Magick of Slowness

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Hey out there! Hope you’re having a swell summer. The temperature here is not yet sweltering, so I’m enjoying windows open daily. I’ve been on summer break just over a month – it has been glorious. There is a magick in this liminal space, the in-between semesters, that has brought healing and restoration. I am no longer who I was, yet I am not quite who I am to be. Last year was tough, maybe one of the toughest I’ve ever experienced, but it had its life lessons, and I am taking them to heart.

I’ve been savoring slow mornings, slowing down in general. It’s lovely to leisurely sip my morning coffee without rushing. I have not missed disconnecting from others one bit. Journaling, personal study, spirituality have all been life saving. But mostly the magick of slowing down, sweet silence, the echo of presence, noticing each breath have led to divine surrender, wisdom, and liberation. 

Summer break will come to an end, and I will return to work mid-August. The test of wisdom will come in finding divine balance, countering stress and the pace of work with a solid inner spiritual foundation, finding the power within to face each and every challenge. There is this – I have the rest of the month to indulge in solitude and cultivate my inner divine badass.

The video below is of female French trio, Les Itinérantes. I adore them and recently discovered their music. I find this song, Sahèl, to be quite powerful.

“Sahèl” is a composition in Eldali (a language invented by Elodie, one of the vocalists) that invites you to reconnect with “the source,” to rediscover meaning and roots through a connection with the living, the pursuit of authenticity, and the recollection of ancient memories.

“Sahèl anouvel iè,
Vènia assoulèkh na
Sahèl anoukrie biè,
Chakh liè bioun èlia”

The source is calling for you over there
Approach, let yourself be guided
The source roars below
Join its flow if you dare.

Rage

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color of rage

I have been hermit-ing this summer – doing some shadow work and exploring anger and rage. In the past, I was not very easily anger; however, I’ve noticed that I’ve become quick to anger and irritibility these days.

I was raised in a home where emotions were not expressed. I have a difficult relationship with my adoptive mother. She was emotionally dysregulated frequently in the home, exploded into rage and anger at the drop of a hat. No one would have known outside of immediate family. I grew up fearful of her and her erratic moods. My adoptive father and I tended to walk on eggshells. I received the brunt of her anger; dad was runner up. My adolescent years were the most turbulent in the home. My mom became physically aggressive during that period. Anger felt foreign in the past. Now, it’s familiar. I excused others’ anger toward me for a greater part of my life. Now I am the angry one.

I found some old, angry artwork that I painted years ago, probably after an argument. And the poem above was written more recently. To craft a sacred alter to rage, anger. This, too, along my spiritual journey, to explore blocks, emotional truth, blindspots. To evolve and heal. I am finding support through the Kali Oracle deck by Alaina Fairchild, illustrated by Jimmy Manton. She is simply fierce, and her spirit is inspiring.

A Home Blessing

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For alter, home, or sacred space.
Cast a circle if that is part of your practice.

By sacred breath and will divine
I cast this circle, draw the line
Here I am safe, here I am found–
Within these walls, now hallowed ground.

May love take root and passion flame,
Magick rise and speak its name.
Let humor dance through every room,
To lift the heart and chase the gloom.

Live well, my dear, within this space,
A haven forged in time and grace.
Where dreams take wing and hope may rest,
A sacred hearth where all feels blessed.

From shadow’s grip, the past released,
Old fears unbound, their hold now ceased.
New seeds are sown in fertile soul,
To bloom in light, to make me whole.

With every breath, let blessings flow,
As peace and solitude softly grow.
So may it be–by flame and sea,
By sky, by stone, by will in me.
✨ It is done. It is sealed. And, so it is. ✨

Photo by petr sidorov on Unsplash

Summer Breeze

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Summer break has finally arrived! Whew! My tiny space is coming together, beginning to feel like home, and my dog has adapted well to the space. She’s such a fierce bundle of joy. I hope to have her for longer periods of time. She is usually with my ex, as he works from home. I didn’t want to leave her alone for 8+ hours while I worked. I miss her, as we truly were attached at the hip. That’s Poppie below. There are no personal boundaries with a doxie.

I’ve had a couple of days to sit on the other side of a busy year. I became someone I didn’t recognize, an irritable, moody shell. I read some of my past posts and cringed. Some have been deleted. Slowing down is a gift to be savored. Perhaps a shift is on the horizon. I trust in divine wisdom and that clarity is yet to come. 

Last night I took a stroll around the neighborhood. The scent of jasmine is lovely this time of year, and the neighborhood is heady with it! There was a nice summer breeze, like that Seals and Croft song, 

Summer breeze, makes me feel fine
Blowin’ through the jasmine in my mind.

I plan to catch up on some blog reading soon. Gosh, it’s been a while. Happy writing, and wishing you a stellar day!

Feature Photo by Emma Dau on Unsplash

the path less thorny

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show me the way
to the path less thorny
where the waters are quiet
and my mind still
where there is ever a quiet corner
away from the grind
and I can sit without worry
there I feel at home,
nestled under a sky loaded
with stars, the moon suspended,
the heavens open wide
on the path less thorny
I live another life
time flows gently
and I am strong again

Photo by Aleksandra Boguslawska on Unsplash

Magic Wand

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My fuck-it meter’s spiking high;
I can’t even see straight.
If only fuck were a magic word –
a spell I could shout,
and a wand would flash into being
to set everything right.

My fuck-it, fuck-you, fuck-this thoughts
would soften on the spot,
the whole mess clearing out,
balance snapping back in place
with one clean swish of the hand.
Now that would be some powerful magic.

Guess I’ll just sage instead.

Photo by Joanna Kosinska on Unsplash

Misshapened

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how i hate disappointing you,
the silence that follows,
it screams of failure
that hammer
in my nervous system
sounds the alarm
my younger self, her face
beet red and burning,
insides churning,
hands balled up
in tight little fists.
my younger self rages,
silently turning her pain inward
i am not fooled by
your sugar-coated words
and pious efforts that appear
like some kind of holiness;
they just as quickly
become poisonous quills
i must let go,
for in letting go I am free
it is a double-edged sword,
a delicate balance,
power and sacrifice,
relief and sorrow,
feeling everything
and nothing at all,
often at the same time
i weep for all the things lost,
despite the things gained
my heart is misshapen,
yet a misshapen heart
is better than an
imprisoned one
let me rejoice in
having a heart at all

Photo by Felix Rottmann on Unsplash

For Best

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What to do when the answer’s unclear,
when unable to obtain the clarity you seek
knowing that the wrong decision could
wreak havoc, make life rather bleak.
Oh, the anxiety that spins me round and round.
It makes me weak; I cannot ground!
Feels like a terrible pounding in my head,
and I cannot catch my breath. It’s caught
somewhere between my ribs in spasms
of fear and uncertainty. I must go forward,
for surely there is no right or wrong,
only what is, what might be.
May the clouds lift and the sun promise
a day without panic. Be patient, my dear,
do not to fret, for the answer is near,
though it may not be what you want,
it is for best.

Big Magick

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I have been home sick. Worked remote yesterday but today called out. I really don’t like to call out sick. I cannot remember the last time I felt so run down. Ah, it was when I contracted COVID in 2020, followed by a chronic subdural hygroma that was excruciatingly painful. So weird. Who knows how I ended up with a hygroma. I did not anticipate that the work at my present job would be so tough … Seriously, I don’t think I’m a hypochondriac. I typically love life, freedom, creative expression, music, art. I’ll be out for winter break in a month, at which time I will glory in slow mornings, drinking a full cup of coffee, and avoiding the damn 405 like the plague. Nearly a month off, yessss!

I watched an interview with author, Elizabeth Gilbert, who appeared on the Mike Birbiglia show after my work day. I followed Gilbert’s Big Magic podcast for a while and greatly admire her independence, her break from the long held expectations of females. I love that she feels happier in solitude and perhaps more productive, certainly, freer outside the confines of romantic entanglement. I appreciate her views on creativity and work and her ethics related to avoiding that pressure to utilize your creativity as a sole source of income. She noted that she had multiple income streams until her fourth book, Eat Pray, Love, took off and made her a successful author. I have been considering what work path to pursue that allows for increased quality of life and creativity, less stress, and less “helping others,” as truly, I am burnt to a crisp. The more intuitive side of me begs to come out and play. I keep telling her to be patient until I have more space, stillness; her time will come. Life is short, is it not? Especially at this age when there are fewer years left to live. I’d love to engage more in what inspires me – writing, nature, reading, playing music, sound medicine, growing plants, animals, magick.

I am possibly the worst business person ever. I learned that after having a private practice for a couple of years prior to my current job. I admire those who run their own businesses. Self employment comes with a caveat. You have to be successful to sustain a living! And California ain’t cheap. Lessons from Liz Gilbert. Don’t quit your day job to pursue your creative interests. I appreciate that Gilbert was her own sugar mama. I also resonate with the notion that there has to be another reason to make art besides the market. She talked about the book she decided not to publish, The Snow Forest, due to the war between Russia and the Ukraine. Ukranian readers expressed their disdain at the release due to the book’s Russian setting. Gilbert said it took three years to write. But she got the message, how harmful it would be to release the book at such a time, two years after Russia invaded Ukraine. Wow. It is sitting on a shelf for another time or maybe never.

I’m trying to wrap my head around the idea of creating work for the simple joy of creating, whether others see it, read it, like it or not. Wouldn’t it be dreamy to make money doing what you love, but for some of us, perhaps it’s not in the stars. There will always be others who are more talented, more ambitious, more successful, in their prime. Maybe I need to aim higher. Manifest more diligently. One can daydream, even in mid-life, and make shifts slowly towards a path that is more fulfilling. I am too old to work this hard, at least my body tells me so. And I must listen. Wimp or not, it is personal choice and the freedom to have that choice. When I have figured it all out, I will let you know. It may be a little while yet.

Photo by Sofia Holmberg on Unsplash

Happy November 1st

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Hi out there. Hope this post finds you well. I’m enjoying a day off of work, as I celebrated Samhain with a friend last nite. We honored our ancestors, practiced some divination, had some drinks. It was a fun, magickal evening.

I recently connected with a shaman who I’ll begin working with soon. She spoke of a strong ancestral presence upon our first conversation. I was never interested in my ancestry until I found my adoption contract, hidden in my adoptive parents’ attic for who knows how long. It found its way to me immediately following my adoptive mother’s funeral, as though my mom was saying, “I want you to have this now.” The contract revealed things my adoptive parents hid from me and likely falsified. So many things were untrue. My adoptive mom made sure that all ties to my birth country were severed. On the rare occasion that I brought up questions, she became weirdly paranoid, asking who put me up to asking such questions. I didn’t pursue it. It’s been 12 years since I visited the country of my birth, Taiwan. I’ve wanted to return but life happens and so many things have gotten in the way. My hope is to return sometime next year. And I hope that in working with this shaman, I’ll connect with my birth mother and perhaps other ancestors.

I haven’t written any poems lately. We’re so fatigued at work from a very busy fall semester and previously, a not so slow summer. Fatigue has a way of crushing creativity. I’m glad to know it’s not just me but my colleagues also feel it, the burnout. Secondly, I go back and read some of my poems and think, this is such shitty poetry. What possessed me to write poems? On the other hand, it was therapeutic while I went through a divorce. Freedom. It feels good. Yet there are some days when the loss comes up so strong it literally catches my breath, and I cannot believe where I am, how I made it out, what I’m doing. It’s not so much the loss of a marriage but what I left behind…my dog, my piano, my music books, the little nest I built that was home, etc (I will retrieve those things when I have a permanent place). Even the dissolution of the most toxic marriage is felt as a loss. I don’t know how else to explain it. I have felt the gamut of emotion, sadness, anger, anxiety, worry, hopelessness, uncertainty. At times, I sometimes still feel transient, displaced. No one would know that I’m grieving. I come across like I have my shit together (most days). And on we go.

Samhain lasts till sundown this evening; the veil between this world and the “Otherworld” remains thinnest. So maybe some spellwork today and divination. Certainly, pondering my ancestral roots, the birth parents I never knew and honoring my birth mother in particular. Wishing you all a very blessed day. I thank you for stopping by and hope to catch up on reading your posts soon. May you enjoy the turning of the season!

With You by Kalandra. To my soulmate wherever you may be…Honestly, we have multiple soulmates, but this song is so beautiful I’m sending it out…lolol…And I’m currently obsessed with this band.

Photo by Daizy Isumi on Unsplash

shine

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in the quiet of the morning,
my heart open wide
the wind softly whispers
let go, let go my child
yesterday was heavy
a heart full of sorrow,
your troubles, far too many
for any one human to hold
follow the light of the sun
for it will always rise
bask in its warmth and promise
that tomorrow you will shine

The Sun is the source of all life on Earth. It represents optimism and abundance. It radiates with warmth and vitality. The Sun also represents creativity. Sunflowers, one of my favorite flowers, represent happiness, loyalty, and longevity. Young sunflowers move to face the sun, thus the name, “sunflower.” Perhaps, that’s why I’m drawn to them 🙂

Photo by Ryan Tasto on Unsplash

forever young

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there’s this uncanny feeling i get
deep down in my gut
like we knew each other
in a past life
i’m most sure of it
my dear friend
who would have known
that after all this time,
we’d end up partners in crime?
hittin’ downtown
like we’re jewels in the crown
soakin’ up the sun
oh, let it be written
that we own the night
under gilded moonlight
you the mage, I the madness
a toast to us,
to all we’ve lost, yet become
may there be more days like this
living life to the fullest
you and i,
forever free, forever young

Photo by David Marcu on Unsplash

She

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she looks to the sky
for some divination,
some explanation
for the way things are
why did the stars align
as they did on the day
she was born?
why was she vanquished
to a place where she languished
until it was decided she’d
grow up foreign?
daydreams and portals,
she was anything but normal
drawn to the celestial,
a bit of a rebel
a Starseed is she
when things get too troubling
on Earth, she is struggling
she remembers how silly
of her to forget
that she is
the love of her life
she will survive
she will yet thrive,
and that is all that she needs

For my fellow adoptees who know too well the hurts caused by adoption…

Berceuse in D-Flat, Op. 57, Frédéric Chopin. I love this piece so much and have always wanted to learn to play it. Chopin was always so difficult to play for lots of different reasons. I have small hands, and in Chopin’s piano literature, there are often large intervals that I had to get creative playing, not to mention the technical difficulty. I was an average pianist in my abilities compared to my peers and wasn’t super diligent with practice. I mean, 8 hours a day of practice was just not me. Four was about all I could mange. If super inspired, maybe six, lol. I learned one of Chopin’s Ballades (A-Flat) in my undergraduate piano studies. It was such a beautiful piece – I remember wishing that I could perform it better. I also recall another more technically advanced individual telling me it was Chopin’s easiest Ballade. I just wanted to say, fuck off. I truly hated the perfection required in classical training. Always riddled by performance anxiety. Probably why I despised performing and liked dancing and acting better – you could improvise if you messed up. I do admire pianists who achieve that level of performing. I think I’d be a different performer now, however.

Anyway, one of my professors performed the piece during a recital, and it was such a lovely performance. Was mesmerized. I like Gorlatch’s performance, as it’s at a tempo I prefer for this piece. He makes it look so easy! In fact, this piece is really difficult. So much is subjective within the limits of the period and style the piece was written in. It’s interesting to compare pianists’ interpretations. There is a performance I enjoy slightly more, Wibe Soerjadi, but couldn’t find on YouTube. I love alternative/indie/classic rock and other genres, but often go back to classical when I need to get more grounded.

This piece fit the poem above. Enjoy.

Photo by Rémi Jacquaint on Unsplash

let go of ego

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this is where i find myself
struggling to embrace
all that is the human experience
i’d soon forget our race
dying to let go of ego,
vying for some balance
finding shelter incognito
in a kind and gentler space
remember who i am,
remember who i’m not
let go of shallow words and gestures
how tiresome are your arrogant thoughts
to live and breathe a life of love
of this i shall pursue
i have no time for human games
i long for a life, a love that’s true

I Hate Everything About You-Live Acoustic, Three Days Grace. An oldie but goodie…my “I don’t give a fuck meter” is at an all time high. Full song lyrics here.

Photo by Giorgio Trovato on Unsplash

the raven

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my dear friend, the raven,
has a certain kind of MAGICK
dressed in black from head to tail,
has a flair for the dramatic
such a sooty bird is he,
flying fast on graceful wingbeats
watch him dive across the sky
an aerial acrobat and artful spy
fills the blue with an echoing croak
he’s a brilliant trickster under cloak
see him vividly in my dreams,
casting charms as i sleep
bringing change and ancient wisdom
reminds me of all i am to become

a little creek

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there’s a mossy little creek

where i like to sit and think

a shallow slope to mull and dream,

where glossy water babbles midstream

i skip barefoot ‘cross the river stones

earth and fire in my bones,

behold the current gently flow,

carrying my dreams safely home

Photo by Maddox Howe on Unsplash

howl at the moon

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i hear Nature summoning
run wild through the trees,
taste my youth on the tip of my tongue
at home in this body and evening breeze

a midnight stroll through the green,
to exorcise the ache
howling fiercely at the moon
like some secret language

shadow of trees and cloak of leaves
a romance to ever flourish
as though turning the pages of this life,

and

the

windy

path

diverges

Photo by Unsplash in collaboration with Getty Images

shades of gray

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shades of gray
this month of May
when all things are blooming,
sweet buds perfuming
surrounded by shadows and despair
is there something toxic in the air?
pressure to please
like a weighted vest,
faces that bleed,
where is my best?
beyond my reach
dear soul i do beseech
a moment of rest
to find the brightest
star in the sky
to remind me that
there is light
may dawn restore
and once again ignite
starry dreams to be yet cast
a life in full bloom at long last

Sirius, aka the Dog Star, or Sirius A, is the brightest star in our night sky. It means “glowing” in Greek. My closest friends know that I have a special relationship with Sirius. Only a few planets, the full moon, and the International Space Station outshine this groovy star. A companion star, Sirius B, was discovered by astronomers in 1862. The star we can see with the naked eye, though, is Sirius A, otherwise known as just Sirius. How I do wish I had a powerful telescope to look at the night sky.

Photo by Unsplash in collaboration with Allec Gomes

waning gibbous

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Good afternoon or evening wherever you may be. We’re heading into a new month very soon. I have some wishes for May that I hope come to pass. We shall see.

I’ve been struggling with hyper-fatigue for the past couple of months. It’s worsened and become more difficult in the last month to do anything other than make it in to work and back home. I boxed yesterday and felt really tired afterward. Usually, boxing energizes me, but yesterday, I needed to take several little breaks during class. I have very stiff, sore muscles today, as it’s been nearly 3 weeks since I last boxed due to fatigue. Stretching is in order, but there is a part of me that wants to do more strenuous exercise, like boxing. I miss it. The weekends are just not long enough for restoration, and most days, I wish I could just stay in bed and do nothing. As such, I haven’t been writing as much as I’d like to. Just no energy to think or for creativity. I’m hoping that by Fall, my schedule has changed so that I’ll have more time away from work, particularly summer, winter, and spring recesses. At times, I feel angry that work takes the better part of my day and energy, and yet one has to make a living. So, I do my best at self-care, although I eat way too much ice cream, lol.

We’re also in the first phase after a Full Moon, the Waning Gibbous phase. The moon’s energy is decreasing, and it’s a good time to focus inward. The waning period is associated with letting go of that which does not serve you, e.g., self-limiting beliefs or fears that are holding you back, changing one’s schedule! There will be a New Moon on May 8th. I love New Moons and like to set new intentions in the hopes that with focus, time, and energy, my intentions have come to fruition by the time the Full Moon arrives, or are at least heading in that direction. I journal my intentions to help me commit and map out necessary steps toward achieving them. A Full Moon arrives every 29.5 days roughly. Our next Full Moon is on May 23rd, and it’s known as the Flower Moon – it coincides with the blooming of many flowers in the northern hemisphere. But first things first – focusing inward and letting go of things that no longer serve. Can you tell that I love talking about the moon? There are some things I’m working on letting go of in order to conserve my energy. Unfortunately, socializing is one of them. So less time with groups of people. Solitude is restorative – another reason I avoided the gym, or perhaps an excuse not to go???

Wherever you are in the world, I’m wishing you a very good and healthful week. Thanks again for following/subscribing to my blog. May you look inward and let go of that which no longer serves 🙂 🌖 🌕 🌔

Photo by Guillermo Ferla on Unsplash

toward hope

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hit the snooze at half past six
another insane morning
early to bed by nine o’clock
god, i’m so boring
eyes are bleary, body weary
can’t get outta bed
blast some heavy metal,
but still feel like a ton of lead
slingin’ mud,
wade through the muck
movin’ in slow motion,
you’d think i’d have a rhythm down
instead of this commotion
yet, drowning never felt so brutish
am i at my edge?
or being far too shallow
to which shall i allege?
i gather up my strength
defy this bullet to my head
look to my sweet angels above
toward hope may i be led

More by The Warning. Thanks Fox Reviews Rock for introducing me to this great band, a Mexican-born sister trio, and their new album! I dig girl bands, and metal, too ❤ Will be jamming to more of their music. 

Do you ever try singing your poetry? I changed the poem around a bit after singing it so it sounded more metrical or rhythmic. It goes really well with the beat of this song, LOL.

Photo by Aryan Dhiman on Unsplash

jump the highest bridge

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my dear,

i would not love you any less

if your life turned out a giant mess

i would take you in my arms

and cover you in kisses,

let the rain pour down

for you, i’ll go the distance

to make you smile for miles and miles,

jump the highest bridge

for you, dear, i am fearless,

and all your doubts are meaningless,

may they float away on the nearest cloud,

for surely you can do without

the vexing chatter in your head

may they be drowned out by the sweet whisper

of promise and my hand upon your heart,

to always protect, to always guard

two imperfect humans on this journey are we,

finding our way through life’s little miseries

striving to be light, fighting to be free

one thing is true and will forever be,

you, my dear, have always

an undying love in me

This poem was inspired by a song, Keep Breathing, by Ingrid Michaelson. I haven’t stopped listening to it since MyGenXerLife posted an article featuring the song. There’s something about the contour of the melody, the lyricism, that catches my breath.

Photo by Sean Pierce on Unsplash

a fireside lullaby

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sing to me a lullaby

of peace and joy and loves gone by

take my hand and let’s get high

on fragrant blooms, the midnight sky

dance with the wind to our hearts content

at home with the redwoods, my dearest friends

nature beckons promising solace

for she is divine and perfectly flawless

want to be like the angels as i journey forth

seeking truth, giving love,

wings to fly evermore North

The Rising, Essie Jain. A beautiful, poetic piece. 

Photo by Toa Heftiba on Unsplash

down a crooked path i went

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when i think of time gone by,
all the things i’ve missed
hopes and dreams
and visions,
the love that i so wished
would somehow save me from myself,
take away the ache
yet down a crooked path i went,
is it no wonder i didn’t break?
should have listened to my gut
far too young and trusting
learned the hard way, cut by cut
and was left with nothing
sold my soul to lies, so lost
still in the end was found
my soul re-emerged;
i saved myself,
and here am i on a new path
paved with life’s hard-knock experiences
though not what i set out on,
it has made all the difference

It’s All Happening Now, BAERD. Full lyrics here. Life really is all happening now, around me everywhere. So many changes in the past several months. I’m not sure when or where I’ll land…

Photo by Levi Bare on Unsplash

total eclipse of the sun

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the moon decided to eclipse today
the fair sun along its merry way
between the earth and brightest star
a path predestined from afar
a phenomenal sight to behold
another not to occur for years, I’m told
though not on the path of totality
awed nonetheless by our Celestial Galaxy
a time to awaken, heal and expand
set your intentions, expect the grand
life is too short, we have only today
live with intention, live to play
for work is a necessity, will always be there
but a life well lived, truly one cannot spare

All right, so this is not the best poem, but i felt moved to honor the solar eclipse today. And, I wrote it during my lunch break, lol. I went for a walk at 11:11am, the peak of the eclipse in my area, and there was a couple sitting on the curb, trying to catch a glimpse of the eclipse with a metal strainer. They were talking with a stranger, who just so happened to have eclipse glasses. He let each of us borrow them. I saw the eclipse, and it was the coolest thing ever! I’ve never seen any eclipse in real time, and this will probably be the only solar eclipse I see in my lifetime, as the next one won’t occur until 2044 or 2045. So it was really special! Cheers! I hope you were able to enjoy the solar eclipse.

Photo by Unsplash in collaboration with Alex Shuper

forever shimmering

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may my heart always be open
no matter how broken
sail through to the light
on the other side
may i be like the tides
take each challenge in stride
ebb and flow to the beat of my own drum
when i feel like i’m failing
bad decisions i’m making
may i be determined to fight, not flee
despite feeling cheated
occasionally defeated
there’s a fire inside,
a courage that guides
when hope seems to have disappeared
may i be like the ocean
though perpetually in motion
forever shimmering reflectively

Photo by Rafael Garcin on Unsplash

till the last light fades

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from sea to sea
and across the miles
i’d follow you anywhere,
stardust in my eyes

across a lavender painted sky
to the farthest horizon
casting magic amid the stars,
follow our hearts to Orion

take me with you
on your gallant galaxy quest
follow you to the moon
of this i’ve surely dreamt

till the last light fades away
and we ride this hallowed earth
follow you always, my love
across the universe

Bewitched, by Laufey. This is one talented young woman…dreamy song and vocals 🙂 

Photo by Aron Visuals on Unsplash

more than a flicker

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you and i are

more than a moment,

more than a flicker

in a world getting sicker and sicker

when one wonders if anyone cares

and life seems shitty, unfair

you, darling, are one in a million

in a sky filled with a billion

wicked stars in the sky

perpetually evolving, you and i

reaching high for our zenith,

a connection shared between us

on me you can always rely,

a trustful ally

holding up a light

when no longer you can fight

the hurt you hide inside

fall into me,

can i help you see that you are

more than just a moment,

more than just a flicker

i see in you all that glitters

Inspired by Linkin Park’s One More Light. Full lyrics here. After reading Fox Reviews Rock post on Friendly Fire, another song I love, I spent the day listening to Linkin Park. I’ve loved this band for a long time. It made me think, are we all not looking to be seen in this big, bad world? So, I wish for you the following:

May you feel seen and heard. May you be peaceful and happy. And may you be safe and free.

Photo by Muhammad Ali on Unsplash

at my edge

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beyond the edge
of human emotion
time stands still,
like magic in moments frozen
lost in such luminosity
consumed by an insatiable curiosity
and wanting more
body, mind, soul and spirit
held in most brilliant of light
angels sing over me in quiet delight
whispering a chorus in my ear
you need not fear, all is well
forever and gladly under your spell
i get lost, leave behind this world
when life’s fury lets loose and unfurls
confusion, the illusion that 
i’m falling, falling and overwhelmed
I am held up by you,
and in your arms i breathe
knowing i am always seen
for where you are, nothing ever fails
the veil is lifted
breathe into me
for then i am surely free

Music will always be my first love ❤ It is the great unifier when we cannot come together around anything else. I have listened to this song a million and one times. It never grows old and is one of my all-time favorites. And Lindsey Buckingham is hot, LOL.

Photo by Julia Kadel on Unsplash

let them live

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untamed and free,
thousands living in the wild
hoofbeats resounding mile after mile
a thunderous rhythm
across wilderness and plains,
wind weaving through
fierce mane and tail
you only want what you deserve
to live freely, unharmed
among your sacred herd
yet threatened by inhumanity
savage humans cause you suffering,
mercilessly separated from your families
immoral men bring upon you calamity
where’s the compassion, justice
and humanity?
save the wild mustangs,
let them live
such brutality,
i cannot forgive

Last year, 20,370 American horses were shipped out of the country to be slaughtered. Most sent to slaughter are in good condition, according to a USDA study. They include an unknown number of mustangs that once roamed freely across our public lands. These horses endure terror, trauma, and pain in crowded trailers without food, water or rest. This will continue day after day, until Congress finally stops it. Urge Congress to support the SAFE Act to end horse slaughter – Return to Freedom Wild Horse Conservation

Take Action for Wild and Domestic Horses and Burros

Wild horses, mustangs, and burros suffer year after year because the Bureau of Land Management wants to control their population in the most brutal way. These animals are chased by helicopter for miles, separated from their families, rounded up and then sent on to be slaughtered. Horses, like humans, build strong familial bonds/friendships within their herds. Some are rescued at auctions by organizations like Return to Freedom, and Skydog Sanctuary; others are not so fortunate. Please urge your Congresspeople to support the SAFE Act.

Photo by Michael Anfang on Unsplash

anthem of the trees

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Mother Earth, you are not yet lost
your rivers, oceans, mountains, and trees
raise their voice in desperate plea
a call to all beings,
an anthem of freedom
that cannot be ignored
feel the pulse of the land
steady now as ever before
listen, listen to its command
to all peoples everywhere
bear witness to the hand
of careless humans
who’ve lost the way,
blinded by a lust for gain
what will they say when all is lost,
beauty, purity carelessly tossed?
we weep oceans in grief
our souls in grave disbelief
can’t you hear the trees sing?
songs of peace they mightily ring,
they will not be enslaved to those depraved
life is sacred,
we are connected,
raise the collective must we

Cantus Iteratus by Karl Jenkins from Adiemus-Songs of Sanctuary. Cantus iteratus in Latin means “repeated song.” I’m living in this album. If you read my last post, I’ve been lost in this music lately. It’s truly breathtaking. Thank you, Karl Jenkins, for this masterpiece. I was drawn to the steady pulse of the percussion and lower strings and the beautiful chorus of female voices in this piece. I thought it truly conveyed the spirit of the poem. It sounds like an anthem, march-like and jubilant, and it steadily grows and grows until the end when the music softly trails away, much like the beginning. So clever and enlightened, I think. Our earth is being destroyed, and it deeply saddens me. I wanted that to be present in the poem, but also hope that we can make changes collectively. I think the music brings that to life. The piece reminds me a little of Treebeard and the Ents in Lord of the Rings. I hope you give it a listen as you read this poem. I wrote it at work yesterday during breaks, lol! Oh, and full lyrics to the piece are here.

Photo by Dave Hoefler on Unsplash

the stars sigh

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there is a certain kind of peace i get
when i look up at the night sky
the stars sigh, yet never lie
on them i can depend
that though this world may fall apart
when feeling low, down in heart
their wonder and their mystery
keep me stirred and wistfully
i dream of things i wish to be
a restoration of humanity,
an end to the insanity
all beings are at peace
when I gaze upon a starry night
it feels like possibility
i rest and introspectively delight

Karl Jenkins: Palladio – 1. Allegretto. If you’re into strings, you’ll love this piece ❤ It’s beautiful. I don’t know why, but I think it has a fierceness to it that I love. 

Photo by Casey Horner on Unsplash

player

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if i told you my name
would it change
how you play the game
would you say i’m to blame
for being certifiably insane?
follow me downtown into the dark
shadows dancing,
pink lights entrancing
going out on a lark
down the avenue of right or wrong
pick your poison
give battle or belong
take the path of least resistance
when lights go dim,
you’ve been outdistanced
down the curious rabbit hole
hold onto yourself,
stay in control
down on your knees,
trying to please
are you brave enough
to break free?
go ahead, call me crazy
i’ll remain nameless
sensible, sane, hard, and blameless
end to end,
don’t wanna be judged
only enlightened
way done being frightened
hey i’m a player, too

In the spirit of The Hand That Feeds, by NIN. 

Photo by Victor Rodriguez on Unsplash

gambit

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ruby red nails

and silver lipstick

she wears her platform heels

three inches high just for kicks

with each sway of her hips

studded chains round her wrists

you wonder what she’s made of

when push comes to shove

she holds her head high

when others walk by

feeling their stares and wandering eyes

she just tosses her head

and with a swoosh of her blue hair

smiles amusingly and meets every stare

knowing all that matters

is her own kind of sexy

the kind that’s humble

and when things get messy

she wears kindness

like her black leather jacket

her very best defense,

favorite gambit

Photo by pawel szvmanski on Unsplash

sail away

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this morning you greeted me with a kiss

twelve o’clock noon

and i reminisce

my faded t-shirt still smells of you

i’m hopeless, a romantic

don’t mean to be pedantic,

but i know every curve of your gorgeous face

this afternoon we sailed Marina Del Rey

though the skies began threatening gray

not a worry or care,

your hand brushed back my hair

as the wind whipped through the sails

this evening we strolled under a strawberry moon

warm seabreezes, jasmine’s sugared bloom

you said, “let’s swim,” with a playful grin

and into the waves we dove

Photo by Bobby Stevenson on Unsplash

foolish roulette

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here am i

a breath and a sigh

away from you

you and i were going places

feeling safe, like homeostasis

then you left without a word

no promises did we make

yet to be erased,

left to wonder, was i replaced?

such a silly thing

to fall so hard for you

ignored the signs, this is what you do

lesson learned, no regrets

i’ll behave, still left to guess

you’ve moved on

lest i forget

get tangled up in love, a foolish roulette

Foo Fighters, “Stranger Things Have Happened”


Photo by Lenstravelier on Unsplash

velvet daydream

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tell me more about you

got me so curious

dressed head to toe in black

said your moon’s in aquarius

where do you come from,

where are you now?

stay a little while

let’s go another round

you’re not just anyone

you gotta past

life seemed to happen

too hard, too fast

let me be a shelter,

be your shooting star

fall apart on me

I’ll meet you where you are

you smile at me

and i see moonbeams

meet me at the corner

of this velvet daydream

Photo by Casey Horner on Unsplash

ain’t no way

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left on an early weekend morn
despite the pity
and the scorn
the sun shone brightly
belied tears cried nightly
because of you
left a houseful of memories,
my dog, baby grand
no one could stop me,
what I had planned
weeks, months in the dark
alone in the crazy,
had i missed the mark?
running and faded
beyond jaded
part of me died
lucky i survived
free me, i will take my stand
free me, this i demand
to walk away, i knew i’d pay
for my sanity
embraced the gravity
to be free
no way in hell
can you stop me
free me, i will take my stand
free me, this i demand
beginning to end
on this i depend
that i will be free
ain’t no way
can you take it away 

“Free Me” by Foo Fighters. This song has been on repeat. I’ve been listening to their earlier stuff as well as their latest album. It takes time to live in each song, learn the lyrics, and feel the vibe. This is one of those songs that so clearly resonates. I’ve worked hard to earn free.

Photo by Gary Meulemans on Unsplash

let the music play on

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let the music play on
for therein is real magic
sweet melody,
like the air i breathe
life fades away
angels and devils at play
songs that save my soul
this brokenness indeed made whole
forever young, forever free
give me the beat of a drum
and i’ll soar for eternity

This song by the Foo Fighters, “Rest,” is like a lullaby of sorts. Although I’m not sure of the meaning, I feel that it’s a tribute to Foo Fighters’ beloved drummer, Taylor Hawkins, who died in 2022. I was so saddened by the news of his death believed to have been caused by a drug overdose and an enlarged heart, as I’m a huge Taylor Hawkins fan. There are some great rock n’ roll drummers, including Dave Grohl, but there is something about Hawkins that I loved. The way to my heart will always be through music ♡ Wish that I had more experience drumming!

Feature Photo Taylor Hawkins performing in 2018 CC BY 2.0. Credit: Raph PH

wade into you

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lost inside my head
too soon to forget
you’ve got me aching
helplessly craving
your lips on mine
like sweet, sweet summertime
riding the surf with you
what is it you do
that gets me so high?
can’t deny
the madness between us
you’re my latest weakness
but i don’t mind
cuz you make me feel so, so fine
wade into you every time

Would like to set this to music, a song?

Foo Fighters, “Show Me How,” featuring his daughter, Violet, on vocals. I love the vibe of this song. I get inspired by music to write..

Feature Photo by Unsplash in coordination with Natalia Blauth

hey, thanks

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I hope you’re enjoying a restful, restorative weekend! I just wanted to take a moment to say thank you for visiting and taking time to read my poems, posts, etc. It truly means the world. It’s laughable, I never thought I’d ever write poetry. Okay, so it’s not great poetry, but the process is incredibly rewarding and even more so, healing.

I have loved writing since the time I could hold a pencil. Yes, I was that geek in school with the straight bangs and glasses who loved, yes loved, practicing cursive. The act of forming each letter was like art.

I started this blog in 2010 primarily upon the encouragement of a group of individuals I knew in high school, and a teacher who was very well liked by the students, Carole Ann Kaplan. We all created WordPress blogs and began posting stuff. Since then, so many other platforms to write and subscribe to have popped up. My posts began as a journey to find my birthfamily in Taiwan. I wrote a memoir about that journey. Things have changed tremendously since then, and the book would be much, much different now…I don’t write about adoption very often anymore, but elements of grief and loss, attachment, rejection, okay, yes, unrequited love, and longing that I’ve experienced as a result of adoption, I’m sure, influence my prose.

So, thank you, dear readers for following this blog, reading my silly poems, and sharing space with me. It’s really nice to read your posts as well, and I”m grateful for the support. Happy writing, and may you have a lovely rest of your day.

Photo by Wilhelm Gunkel on Unsplash

Enjoy this beautiful tune! A friend recently introduced me to Father John Misty, though he’s been around for awhile. I’ve had this song on repeat 🙂