Tag Archives: Writing

Honor Rest & Renewal on Samhain

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Today, I pause. I breathe. I rest and honor my ancestors on this blessed Samhain.

I’m grateful to have the day off – to simply be. To sit in stillness and solitude without the weight of expectation feels like a blessing in itself. The veil is thin today, and I lean into the presence of those who came before me – my birth mother and father, and the lineage of ancestors whose names I may never know. I honor them, and I honor the mystery that connects us across time and space.

Lately, life has felt full and demanding. I’m working full-time again, and though I hoped summer break would bring the restoration I so deeply needed, fatigue seems to have returned too soon. Halfway through the fall semester, I find myself wondering how to sustain balance – how to counsel others, meet the demands of my current job while not forgetting myself.

My dream remains clear: To eventually transition into full-time sound therapy work. Supporting my adult daughter these past two years has delayed that shift, yet I hold faith that in time, things will align. When she finds her footing, I’ll be able to step more fully into the work my heart longs for, creating healing spaces through resonance, stillness, and sound.

Despite the challenges, I’m proud of the small steps forward. I’ve completed my website, OM Sacred Sound Journeys, a milestone that feels like planting a tiny seed. Beginning next February, I’ll offer bi-weekly sound therapy sessions, a sacred rhythm I hope will grow into something sustainable and nourishing. 

I’m reconnecting with my musical roots, singing and playing for a herd I once worked with in equine-assisted psychotherapy and slowly returning to my guitar after years away. These small acts of reconnection remind me that healing unfolds gradually, as does starting a private practice.

Self-employment feels both thrilling and terrifying. The freedom to follow my calling is overshadowed by the very real worries of bills, rent, health insurance, and all the practicalities of life. Yet amidst uncertainty, I sense that this path is where I’m meant to go.

So today, under the quiet light of Samhain, I choose rest. I choose reflection. I choose to listen deeply to the whispers of my ancestors, to the call of my own heart, and to stillness. May this season bring renewal, remembrance, and faith in what is yet to come.

Photo by Catherine Crawford on Unsplash

Dark Moon

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Hello World! Wow, it’s been a minute since I last visited WordPress. It is the eve of Mabon and the Autumn Equinox – if you live in the Northern hemsphere – and  Ostara and the Spring Equinox – if you live in the Southern hemisphere. I will be observing Mabon bright and early first thing tomorrow morning before work…sigh…with a group of other like-minded and spirited individuals. It is also a dark moon or new moon, my favorite.

I am not a morning person, well, more accurately, I’m a slowwwww morning person and hate rushing. I am not a fan of the 8am-5pm work-life schedule of which I am now bound, against the clock at every damn minute of the day. Who’s idea was that anyway? I’m dreaming of cutting that cord, but the day has not yet arrived.

And so the wheel of the year continues…one cycle ends making space for a new one. What lessons have I learned? What paths have I traversed? Hmm…Life has been one continuous wheel of never-ending “tower moments” for the past two and a half years. I hope something more peace loving and soul aligned arrives soon. 

Things that keep me grounded during tower moments include art and spirituality. Collaging has become a beloved outlet, a wide open space to tap into creative expression. It’s such a satisfying artistic art form. I love designing a collage, selecting the photos, pictures, etc, to create a narrative. Maybe I’m the only one who gets it, but who cares! My spiritual practice has taken a nose dive now that I’m back at work. But little moments here and there are better than none at all.

I hope to travel to Taiwan over the winter break in January to visit my birthfamily. My eldest sister has already reserved a hotel. It’s been 13 years since I last saw my birthfamily. I never intended to wait such a long time to revisit. We are much older, and good health is not guaranteed to any of us. I truly hope I will have the energy to be present with my family, not some shell of myself. This academic year, I vowed not to get to the level of burnout I experienced last year. Steps to protect my energy are always at the forefront of my mind. 

In the meantime, welcome Autumn! I look forward to cooler days, to pumpkin pie, and the holiday season. Oh, and to slowing down, of course. Autumn is my favorite time of the year! I do love it so. Hoping you are all safe and well wherever you are. May cooler weather bring a welcome change of pace into your life!

Feature Photo by Šimom Caban on Unsplash

Photo Gallery: Collages by moi!

Lotus Summer

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Greetings! I’m enjoying the last few days of summer before I head back to work. Tomorrow. I must say, I look forward to Fall and the change of season. Mabon falls on September 22nd, which gives me something to look forward to. At the risk of sounding like a broken record, summer has been immensely restorative; I’ll refer to it as Lotus Summer. Lotus flowers are deeply symbolic in many cultures. Lotuses grow in murky, shallow waters. They rise from the mud without stain, and are therefore viewed as a symbol of purity. Because they return to the water in the evening and open their blooms at the break of day, lotuses represent strength, resilience, and rebirth, as well as transcendence: The lotus symbolizes the human spirit transcending over worldly matter since it blooms from the underworld into the light. I feel, in many ways, like the Lotus.

It’s been a summer of exploring themes around death and rebirth, cycles, beginnings and endings, blooming, rising up from the mud. When last semester ended, I was physically, mentally, and emotionally exhausted. It dawned on me recently how little I accounted for the impact of divorce on my wellbeing. I was functioning on adrenaline those first several months of the divorce proceedings. And when it wore off, I plummeted. I’ve discovered that there’s much literature on the impact of divorce on individuals, how it affects their work lives, relationships, and emotional and physical health. I grossly underestimated my ability to manage work, the loss of my dog and support of my daughter, financial instability, three moves, starting over. I thought I was stronger, better, more capable, more confident. But I sank, and I’m usually a stronger swimmer than that.

It’s now late summer – Rebirth. I am standing, not sinking. The divorce no longer feels like a black hole. There are moments of deep sadness and grief. I’m not sure one ever gets over it completely. That’s just me. A friend of mine, a psychotherapist who divorced years ago, told me to expect a three-year-mucking-through-shit; my sound healing mentor, also divorced, said give it five. I rolled my eyes. How little did I know. It’s year two.

I read recently,

The lessons we learn along our journey and the pains that come along with them are but stages on the wheel of regeneration.

Death Doula Oracle – author & photographer – Theodore Saint & Chris Williams

Indeed. So much gratitude for the time off to recover, to regenerate. Solitude and rest were the medicine, and making the request to change my 12-month contract to academic year may have saved my life. I have spent everyday this summer writing and recently took to collaging my journals. Can’t wait to collage my next. Also into drawing dragons of late. Interestingly, I barely listened to any music; much more preferred silence. The only other time I could not bear to listen to music was after the death of my first dachshund, Peppermint. I’m slowly weaving my way back to some favorite artists and bands from the 80s – that era holds a certain nostalgia in my heart that’s quite comforting. And, I miss my younger self. I’ve shared a few moments of summer inspiration here.

And, on I go. Wishing you all a beautiful day. Stop and marvel at the tiny things that bring you joy and pleasure. May you tend to the soil of YOU!

-Photos above were taken at Laguna Beach, CA, by moi on a venture with a friend.

-Yummy matcha coffee & garden pics taken at Anima Mundi Apothecary in Venice, CA.

-My collaged journal-Summer theme: Death/rebirth/exploring the shadows within.

-Little dragon ouroboros drawing-not yet finished, but I’ll eventually get to it.

-Purchase the Death Doula Oracle cards here. They’re powerful cards for working with themes around transition, transformation, death, endings and are absolutely gorgeous.

Feature Photo by Kristijan Arsov on Unsplash

Summering

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Four more weeks of summering. I’ve been preoccupied with the impending return to work and have to remind myself to be here now, enjoy the time I have left on break. Still time to relax and explore. Such a sharp contrast from the previous months.

Orchid Quartet

I went to a Candlelight Concert on The Queen Mary the other night. I’m so glad I did! Female group, Orchid Quartet, performed Metallica. There were some diehard Metallica fans hooping and hollering throughout the concert. I love Metallica too and had a front row seat! It was an intimate, cozy event. I felt called to return to my musical roots. Music, my first love. Probably my last! I regret selling my digital piano, but there is truly no room in my tiny space for something that large. I’ll have to settle for picking up my guitar and ukulele. I’m always on the hunt for new music and inspiring artists.

We were permitted to videorecord the last two numbers. Pieces performed included many of Metallica’s greatest hits, including Enter Sandman, Nothing Else Matters, and Master of Puppets. And they did a lovely cover of Whiskey in the Jar. I liked how the quartet were so interactive with the audience. It was all great fun. I uploaded the video I took of Nothing Else Matters below. It was so much better live, of course. Hope to see more of Orchid Quartet in the future and attend more Candlelight Concerts! I got a groovy t-shirt to support Orchid Quartet and remember what a fun time I had. Enjoy!

Soul Aligned

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Good day, one and all! I hope you’re enjoying the summer days. I’m grateful that the weather continues to be mild here. The pink and purple twilights are magical. What I love most about this summer break from university is the freedom in which I can move and breathe at my own pace. Ahhhh, slow, meditative mornings with my cup of coffee. Movies in the evenings. Solitude and ritual. It’s been a breath of fresh air, and I feel I’m moving forward with the energy of The Sun, toward new beginnings with the Ace of Pentacles.

I’ve been meditating on my past, present, and future. I spoke of liminal spaces in my last post. It seems that for the past two years, I’ve occupied such a space. Though there has been significant discomfort, I’m learning to embrace the strange, uncomfortable juxtoposition of being “in-between,” forward moving, yet not quite “there.” Death and rebirth, summer’s theme. What is dying? What is being rebirthed? Or birthed?

The notion of building a sound healing practice seems to have taken root, a tiny seed planted. With care, perhaps it’ll bloom and grow. Self-employment is quite scary to me. I had a private practice for two years, and I know how hard it is to establish a thriving small business and maintain financial stability. The weeds. I’ve been a board-certified music therapist since 2009 and recently began training in sound healing, utilizing singing bowls and other instruments, chanting, researching the science behind sound medicine. Yes, there is more research now than ever. I facilitated four sound healing groups last semester and a number of drum circles at work. I would facilitate such sessions much differently in a private practice.

My primary instrument is piano. I majored in piano performance then learned guitar and drumming during the course of my music therapy studies, a requirement to obtain certification. I sing, though it’s not my strong suit. I obtained training in group drum circle facilitation years ago, fell in love with the drum. I miss my piano and playing dearly. I feel that music is calling to me again, my first love. Full circle, perhaps. Interestingly, I have listened to less music than ever before. Silence has been like a balm.

The birth of a sound healing practice is slow, very slow, intentionally. There are so many sound healing practitioners these days, especially in California. It’s almost trendy at the moment. Yet, my intention is to help people along their spiritual and wellness journey, to enhance, to restore, to create an opening for self-discovery and increased spirituality. We’ll see how things develop over the next year. The story continues as I tune into my heart and intuition, caring for the sacred practice I hope to build, one step at a time. 

Photo by petr sidorov on Unsplash

The Magick of Slowness

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Hey out there! Hope you’re having a swell summer. The temperature here is not yet sweltering, so I’m enjoying windows open daily. I’ve been on summer break just over a month – it has been glorious. There is a magick in this liminal space, the in-between semesters, that has brought healing and restoration. I am no longer who I was, yet I am not quite who I am to be. Last year was tough, maybe one of the toughest I’ve ever experienced, but it had its life lessons, and I am taking them to heart.

I’ve been savoring slow mornings, slowing down in general. It’s lovely to leisurely sip my morning coffee without rushing. I have not missed disconnecting from others one bit. Journaling, personal study, spirituality have all been life saving. But mostly the magick of slowing down, sweet silence, the echo of presence, noticing each breath have led to divine surrender, wisdom, and liberation. 

Summer break will come to an end, and I will return to work mid-August. The test of wisdom will come in finding divine balance, countering stress and the pace of work with a solid inner spiritual foundation, finding the power within to face each and every challenge. There is this – I have the rest of the month to indulge in solitude and cultivate my inner divine badass.

The video below is of female French trio, Les Itinérantes. I adore them and recently discovered their music. I find this song, Sahèl, to be quite powerful.

“Sahèl” is a composition in Eldali (a language invented by Elodie, one of the vocalists) that invites you to reconnect with “the source,” to rediscover meaning and roots through a connection with the living, the pursuit of authenticity, and the recollection of ancient memories.

“Sahèl anouvel iè,
Vènia assoulèkh na
Sahèl anoukrie biè,
Chakh liè bioun èlia”

The source is calling for you over there
Approach, let yourself be guided
The source roars below
Join its flow if you dare.

Rage

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color of rage

I have been hermit-ing this summer – doing some shadow work and exploring anger and rage. In the past, I was not very easily anger; however, I’ve noticed that I’ve become quick to anger and irritibility these days.

I was raised in a home where emotions were not expressed. I have a difficult relationship with my adoptive mother. She was emotionally dysregulated frequently in the home, exploded into rage and anger at the drop of a hat. No one would have known outside of immediate family. I grew up fearful of her and her erratic moods. My adoptive father and I tended to walk on eggshells. I received the brunt of her anger; dad was runner up. My adolescent years were the most turbulent in the home. My mom became physically aggressive during that period. Anger felt foreign in the past. Now, it’s familiar. I excused others’ anger toward me for a greater part of my life. Now I am the angry one.

I found some old, angry artwork that I painted years ago, probably after an argument. And the poem above was written more recently. To craft a sacred alter to rage, anger. This, too, along my spiritual journey, to explore blocks, emotional truth, blindspots. To evolve and heal. I am finding support through the Kali Oracle deck by Alaina Fairchild, illustrated by Jimmy Manton. She is simply fierce, and her spirit is inspiring.

A Home Blessing

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For alter, home, or sacred space.
Cast a circle if that is part of your practice.

By sacred breath and will divine
I cast this circle, draw the line
Here I am safe, here I am found–
Within these walls, now hallowed ground.

May love take root and passion flame,
Magick rise and speak its name.
Let humor dance through every room,
To lift the heart and chase the gloom.

Live well, my dear, within this space,
A haven forged in time and grace.
Where dreams take wing and hope may rest,
A sacred hearth where all feels blessed.

From shadow’s grip, the past released,
Old fears unbound, their hold now ceased.
New seeds are sown in fertile soul,
To bloom in light, to make me whole.

With every breath, let blessings flow,
As peace and solitude softly grow.
So may it be–by flame and sea,
By sky, by stone, by will in me.
✨ It is done. It is sealed. And, so it is. ✨

Photo by petr sidorov on Unsplash

Summer Breeze

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Summer break has finally arrived! Whew! My tiny space is coming together, beginning to feel like home, and my dog has adapted well to the space. She’s such a fierce bundle of joy. I hope to have her for longer periods of time. She is usually with my ex, as he works from home. I didn’t want to leave her alone for 8+ hours while I worked. I miss her, as we truly were attached at the hip. That’s Poppie below. There are no personal boundaries with a doxie.

I’ve had a couple of days to sit on the other side of a busy year. I became someone I didn’t recognize, an irritable, moody shell. I read some of my past posts and cringed. Some have been deleted. Slowing down is a gift to be savored. Perhaps a shift is on the horizon. I trust in divine wisdom and that clarity is yet to come. 

Last night I took a stroll around the neighborhood. The scent of jasmine is lovely this time of year, and the neighborhood is heady with it! There was a nice summer breeze, like that Seals and Croft song, 

Summer breeze, makes me feel fine
Blowin’ through the jasmine in my mind.

I plan to catch up on some blog reading soon. Gosh, it’s been a while. Happy writing, and wishing you a stellar day!

Feature Photo by Emma Dau on Unsplash

life is anything but…

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Hello World. I moved this week over Spring break. Thankfully, I had the week off. My third move in two years, post divorce. It’s been rather stressful. Don’t get me wrong, I love my new place, and the area is terrific. It’s very small, yet much closer to the beach. I have gone back and forth to Goodwill to donate stuff all week, and still, there are boxes of stuff, a closet full of stuff, and wall art that won’t work in the space. I think I may have to sell my digital piano, as it doesn’t fit anywhere. I sold my newish dining table and other things to decrease stuff. I am trying not to complain, as I truly love the area. And the neighbors on either side of my unit seem great. It’s just been tough, and I’m heading back to work next Monday. More to do, as my car is also having issues that must be addressed. Tomorrow, I’ll spend the day at the automotive shop. Timing, it feels as though I’m swimming upstream. I’m staying put for as long as possible!

The week before the move, I began having panic attacks – again. Haven’t had one in a while. I’m grateful they weren’t as bad as others. No ER or EMTs. I moved due to a feral cat situation at my last rental that never went away. The cats continued to poop on the property. A month before I decided to break the lease, the homeowner finally addressed it by putting rock on the front lawn and wire on the fence in the backyard as deterrents. It did very little, as the cats continued to show up, as though to say, “Stupid humans; we own the place.” The neighbor next door feeds and cares for the cats and has done so forever. So if anyone were to go, it was me. Homeowner refused to release me from the lease, which doesn’t end until July 1st. It has just sucked all around.

I hope that moving will eventually bring peace of mind. My car was starting to smell like cat poop – gross! Okay, so this is the end of my little rant. I know somewhere there’s a rainbow.

Photo by Illiya Vjestica on Unsplash

Magic Wand

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My fuck-it meter’s spiking high;
I can’t even see straight.
If only fuck were a magic word –
a spell I could shout,
and a wand would flash into being
to set everything right.

My fuck-it, fuck-you, fuck-this thoughts
would soften on the spot,
the whole mess clearing out,
balance snapping back in place
with one clean swish of the hand.
Now that would be some powerful magic.

Guess I’ll just sage instead.

Photo by Joanna Kosinska on Unsplash

Misshapened

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how i hate disappointing you,
the silence that follows,
it screams of failure
that hammer
in my nervous system
sounds the alarm
my younger self, her face
beet red and burning,
insides churning,
hands balled up
in tight little fists.
my younger self rages,
silently turning her pain inward
i am not fooled by
your sugar-coated words
and pious efforts that appear
like some kind of holiness;
they just as quickly
become poisonous quills
i must let go,
for in letting go I am free
it is a double-edged sword,
a delicate balance,
power and sacrifice,
relief and sorrow,
feeling everything
and nothing at all,
often at the same time
i weep for all the things lost,
despite the things gained
my heart is misshapen,
yet a misshapen heart
is better than an
imprisoned one
let me rejoice in
having a heart at all

Photo by Felix Rottmann on Unsplash

For Best

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What to do when the answer’s unclear,
when unable to obtain the clarity you seek
knowing that the wrong decision could
wreak havoc, make life rather bleak.
Oh, the anxiety that spins me round and round.
It makes me weak; I cannot ground!
Feels like a terrible pounding in my head,
and I cannot catch my breath. It’s caught
somewhere between my ribs in spasms
of fear and uncertainty. I must go forward,
for surely there is no right or wrong,
only what is, what might be.
May the clouds lift and the sun promise
a day without panic. Be patient, my dear,
do not to fret, for the answer is near,
though it may not be what you want,
it is for best.

Big Magick

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I have been home sick. Worked remote yesterday but today called out. I really don’t like to call out sick. I cannot remember the last time I felt so run down. Ah, it was when I contracted COVID in 2020, followed by a chronic subdural hygroma that was excruciatingly painful. So weird. Who knows how I ended up with a hygroma. I did not anticipate that the work at my present job would be so tough … Seriously, I don’t think I’m a hypochondriac. I typically love life, freedom, creative expression, music, art. I’ll be out for winter break in a month, at which time I will glory in slow mornings, drinking a full cup of coffee, and avoiding the damn 405 like the plague. Nearly a month off, yessss!

I watched an interview with author, Elizabeth Gilbert, who appeared on the Mike Birbiglia show after my work day. I followed Gilbert’s Big Magic podcast for a while and greatly admire her independence, her break from the long held expectations of females. I love that she feels happier in solitude and perhaps more productive, certainly, freer outside the confines of romantic entanglement. I appreciate her views on creativity and work and her ethics related to avoiding that pressure to utilize your creativity as a sole source of income. She noted that she had multiple income streams until her fourth book, Eat Pray, Love, took off and made her a successful author. I have been considering what work path to pursue that allows for increased quality of life and creativity, less stress, and less “helping others,” as truly, I am burnt to a crisp. The more intuitive side of me begs to come out and play. I keep telling her to be patient until I have more space, stillness; her time will come. Life is short, is it not? Especially at this age when there are fewer years left to live. I’d love to engage more in what inspires me – writing, nature, reading, playing music, sound medicine, growing plants, animals, magick.

I am possibly the worst business person ever. I learned that after having a private practice for a couple of years prior to my current job. I admire those who run their own businesses. Self employment comes with a caveat. You have to be successful to sustain a living! And California ain’t cheap. Lessons from Liz Gilbert. Don’t quit your day job to pursue your creative interests. I appreciate that Gilbert was her own sugar mama. I also resonate with the notion that there has to be another reason to make art besides the market. She talked about the book she decided not to publish, The Snow Forest, due to the war between Russia and the Ukraine. Ukranian readers expressed their disdain at the release due to the book’s Russian setting. Gilbert said it took three years to write. But she got the message, how harmful it would be to release the book at such a time, two years after Russia invaded Ukraine. Wow. It is sitting on a shelf for another time or maybe never.

I’m trying to wrap my head around the idea of creating work for the simple joy of creating, whether others see it, read it, like it or not. Wouldn’t it be dreamy to make money doing what you love, but for some of us, perhaps it’s not in the stars. There will always be others who are more talented, more ambitious, more successful, in their prime. Maybe I need to aim higher. Manifest more diligently. One can daydream, even in mid-life, and make shifts slowly towards a path that is more fulfilling. I am too old to work this hard, at least my body tells me so. And I must listen. Wimp or not, it is personal choice and the freedom to have that choice. When I have figured it all out, I will let you know. It may be a little while yet.

Photo by Sofia Holmberg on Unsplash

Happy November 1st

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Hi out there. Hope this post finds you well. I’m enjoying a day off of work, as I celebrated Samhain with a friend last nite. We honored our ancestors, practiced some divination, had some drinks. It was a fun, magickal evening.

I recently connected with a shaman who I’ll begin working with soon. She spoke of a strong ancestral presence upon our first conversation. I was never interested in my ancestry until I found my adoption contract, hidden in my adoptive parents’ attic for who knows how long. It found its way to me immediately following my adoptive mother’s funeral, as though my mom was saying, “I want you to have this now.” The contract revealed things my adoptive parents hid from me and likely falsified. So many things were untrue. My adoptive mom made sure that all ties to my birth country were severed. On the rare occasion that I brought up questions, she became weirdly paranoid, asking who put me up to asking such questions. I didn’t pursue it. It’s been 12 years since I visited the country of my birth, Taiwan. I’ve wanted to return but life happens and so many things have gotten in the way. My hope is to return sometime next year. And I hope that in working with this shaman, I’ll connect with my birth mother and perhaps other ancestors.

I haven’t written any poems lately. We’re so fatigued at work from a very busy fall semester and previously, a not so slow summer. Fatigue has a way of crushing creativity. I’m glad to know it’s not just me but my colleagues also feel it, the burnout. Secondly, I go back and read some of my poems and think, this is such shitty poetry. What possessed me to write poems? On the other hand, it was therapeutic while I went through a divorce. Freedom. It feels good. Yet there are some days when the loss comes up so strong it literally catches my breath, and I cannot believe where I am, how I made it out, what I’m doing. It’s not so much the loss of a marriage but what I left behind…my dog, my piano, my music books, the little nest I built that was home, etc (I will retrieve those things when I have a permanent place). Even the dissolution of the most toxic marriage is felt as a loss. I don’t know how else to explain it. I have felt the gamut of emotion, sadness, anger, anxiety, worry, hopelessness, uncertainty. At times, I sometimes still feel transient, displaced. No one would know that I’m grieving. I come across like I have my shit together (most days). And on we go.

Samhain lasts till sundown this evening; the veil between this world and the “Otherworld” remains thinnest. So maybe some spellwork today and divination. Certainly, pondering my ancestral roots, the birth parents I never knew and honoring my birth mother in particular. Wishing you all a very blessed day. I thank you for stopping by and hope to catch up on reading your posts soon. May you enjoy the turning of the season!

With You by Kalandra. To my soulmate wherever you may be…Honestly, we have multiple soulmates, but this song is so beautiful I’m sending it out…lolol…And I’m currently obsessed with this band.

Photo by Daizy Isumi on Unsplash

shine

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in the quiet of the morning,
my heart open wide
the wind softly whispers
let go, let go my child
yesterday was heavy
a heart full of sorrow,
your troubles, far too many
for any one human to hold
follow the light of the sun
for it will always rise
bask in its warmth and promise
that tomorrow you will shine

The Sun is the source of all life on Earth. It represents optimism and abundance. It radiates with warmth and vitality. The Sun also represents creativity. Sunflowers, one of my favorite flowers, represent happiness, loyalty, and longevity. Young sunflowers move to face the sun, thus the name, “sunflower.” Perhaps, that’s why I’m drawn to them 🙂

Photo by Ryan Tasto on Unsplash

once again

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look, look what you have done
just when i come up for air
and all in life seems fair
you silently choke the light
right out of me,
expect me to live a life that
is not mine
when you haven’t the first clue
the dark that threatens to undo,
nor can you care
for everything has a price tag,
my dreams have languished, lagged
i am spilled out
and for a moment i doubt,
but the waxing moon promises renewal
shall i aspire to the beautiful?
a gift, a life anew,
climb out of the doldrum
shake off what numbs
and start once again

Cheers to shitty poems. But the song is amazing. Echo of my Shadow by Aurora. 

Photo by Kristina Tripkovic on Unsplash

tiny ache

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what is this tiny ache swelling
beneath my heart?
a worry, sorrow, dismay?
please let it soon depart!
how restless are my days
wondering what is yet to come
blocks, delays, stagnation
oh hellfire and damnation!
where is this life of ease,
that others claim to live?
perhaps it is all illusion,
a grandiose delusion
if i could trust myself enough
to allay all my fears,
to trust the lot that has been cast,
the ache would disappear

Photo by Javardh on Unsplash

She

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she looks to the sky
for some divination,
some explanation
for the way things are
why did the stars align
as they did on the day
she was born?
why was she vanquished
to a place where she languished
until it was decided she’d
grow up foreign?
daydreams and portals,
she was anything but normal
drawn to the celestial,
a bit of a rebel
a Starseed is she
when things get too troubling
on Earth, she is struggling
she remembers how silly
of her to forget
that she is
the love of her life
she will survive
she will yet thrive,
and that is all that she needs

For my fellow adoptees who know too well the hurts caused by adoption…

Berceuse in D-Flat, Op. 57, Frédéric Chopin. I love this piece so much and have always wanted to learn to play it. Chopin was always so difficult to play for lots of different reasons. I have small hands, and in Chopin’s piano literature, there are often large intervals that I had to get creative playing, not to mention the technical difficulty. I was an average pianist in my abilities compared to my peers and wasn’t super diligent with practice. I mean, 8 hours a day of practice was just not me. Four was about all I could mange. If super inspired, maybe six, lol. I learned one of Chopin’s Ballades (A-Flat) in my undergraduate piano studies. It was such a beautiful piece – I remember wishing that I could perform it better. I also recall another more technically advanced individual telling me it was Chopin’s easiest Ballade. I just wanted to say, fuck off. I truly hated the perfection required in classical training. Always riddled by performance anxiety. Probably why I despised performing and liked dancing and acting better – you could improvise if you messed up. I do admire pianists who achieve that level of performing. I think I’d be a different performer now, however.

Anyway, one of my professors performed the piece during a recital, and it was such a lovely performance. Was mesmerized. I like Gorlatch’s performance, as it’s at a tempo I prefer for this piece. He makes it look so easy! In fact, this piece is really difficult. So much is subjective within the limits of the period and style the piece was written in. It’s interesting to compare pianists’ interpretations. There is a performance I enjoy slightly more, Wibe Soerjadi, but couldn’t find on YouTube. I love alternative/indie/classic rock and other genres, but often go back to classical when I need to get more grounded.

This piece fit the poem above. Enjoy.

Photo by Rémi Jacquaint on Unsplash

dim

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it is seven o’ five

feeling barely alive

the day is done

should be reveling in

the warmth of

summer sun,

and yet all i want to do

is crawl into bed

pull the covers over

my throbbing head

and shut the world out

i have no doubt

it will keep turning

whether i lie awake or sleep

safe at home i unmask,

despite shadows prowling,

feasting upon my past

words of love have grown dim

slumber now for tomorrow shall too soon begin

Photo by Jairo Alzate on Unsplash

burning alive

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remember the first time
you brushed the hair back
from my eyes
it was one of those crazy hot days last July
sand covered our bronzed, bare feet
you leaned into me with kisses so sweet,
and i could barely breathe
we were burning alive

you were the blue,
always changing like the tide
born to love me with all the grace
of a blooming sunrise,
my morning star
we were burning alive

sun and sand,
wind through the palms
we stuck together,
two birds of a feather,
day and night
i loved you for eternity,
my evening song
we were burning alive

Birds of a Feather by Billie Eilish. Her new album, Hit Me Hard and Soft, dropped yesterday! On repeat, particularly this song, which inspired this poem. Such a great album ❤ 

Photo by Storiès on Unsplash

no longer here

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the murmur in my heart

decided to become a whisper,

and the whisper grew to be a wail

until the wail became a very loud moan

the moan reminds me that you are no longer here

the tourniquet has stopped the bleeding ’round my heart

yet has done nothing to remove the memories of you from my

pounding head, so i will write and write another day until

the very loud moan becomes a wail, and the wail

softens into a whisper, and the whisper decides

to become a murmur, then there will be

nothing but silence to remind me

that you are no longer here

Photo by Alec Douglas on Unsplash

let go of ego

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this is where i find myself
struggling to embrace
all that is the human experience
i’d soon forget our race
dying to let go of ego,
vying for some balance
finding shelter incognito
in a kind and gentler space
remember who i am,
remember who i’m not
let go of shallow words and gestures
how tiresome are your arrogant thoughts
to live and breathe a life of love
of this i shall pursue
i have no time for human games
i long for a life, a love that’s true

I Hate Everything About You-Live Acoustic, Three Days Grace. An oldie but goodie…my “I don’t give a fuck meter” is at an all time high. Full song lyrics here.

Photo by Giorgio Trovato on Unsplash

the raven

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my dear friend, the raven,
has a certain kind of MAGICK
dressed in black from head to tail,
has a flair for the dramatic
such a sooty bird is he,
flying fast on graceful wingbeats
watch him dive across the sky
an aerial acrobat and artful spy
fills the blue with an echoing croak
he’s a brilliant trickster under cloak
see him vividly in my dreams,
casting charms as i sleep
bringing change and ancient wisdom
reminds me of all i am to become

a little creek

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there’s a mossy little creek

where i like to sit and think

a shallow slope to mull and dream,

where glossy water babbles midstream

i skip barefoot ‘cross the river stones

earth and fire in my bones,

behold the current gently flow,

carrying my dreams safely home

Photo by Maddox Howe on Unsplash

howl at the moon

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i hear Nature summoning
run wild through the trees,
taste my youth on the tip of my tongue
at home in this body and evening breeze

a midnight stroll through the green,
to exorcise the ache
howling fiercely at the moon
like some secret language

shadow of trees and cloak of leaves
a romance to ever flourish
as though turning the pages of this life,

and

the

windy

path

diverges

Photo by Unsplash in collaboration with Getty Images

bargaining

9 Replies

there’s a little piece of me that dies a little bit
every time i get on the freakin’ 710
my personal hell, running late yet again
mind you, i’m no weakling, ha
but life in the fast lane
makes my heart sink
and as the days grow longer
so do my siiigghhhs…
inhale, exhale like the rolling of the tide
aiming at where i truly wanna be
still so much life to live and see
freer yet than i’ve ever been
still, i’m bargaining for that absolute win
one life to live, i have nothing left to give
sing me a tune, let me savor some magick
to dispel this evil ill and all that feels so damn tragic

Across the Universe, covered by Fiona Apple. How I love Fiona Apple. I thought this song fit the poem, it’s tone, mood, and lyrics. The meaning of “jai guru deva” is literally “glory to the shining remover of darkness.” It reminds to bring into mind a higher consciousness, a connection to my soul, Nature, the earth, and to ground daily in order to get through the days of constantly giving so much of my energy. Sometimes helping is fucking exhausting. Full lyrics here.

Photo by Ciocan Ciprian on Unsplash

shades of gray

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shades of gray
this month of May
when all things are blooming,
sweet buds perfuming
surrounded by shadows and despair
is there something toxic in the air?
pressure to please
like a weighted vest,
faces that bleed,
where is my best?
beyond my reach
dear soul i do beseech
a moment of rest
to find the brightest
star in the sky
to remind me that
there is light
may dawn restore
and once again ignite
starry dreams to be yet cast
a life in full bloom at long last

Sirius, aka the Dog Star, or Sirius A, is the brightest star in our night sky. It means “glowing” in Greek. My closest friends know that I have a special relationship with Sirius. Only a few planets, the full moon, and the International Space Station outshine this groovy star. A companion star, Sirius B, was discovered by astronomers in 1862. The star we can see with the naked eye, though, is Sirius A, otherwise known as just Sirius. How I do wish I had a powerful telescope to look at the night sky.

Photo by Unsplash in collaboration with Allec Gomes

waning gibbous

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Good afternoon or evening wherever you may be. We’re heading into a new month very soon. I have some wishes for May that I hope come to pass. We shall see.

I’ve been struggling with hyper-fatigue for the past couple of months. It’s worsened and become more difficult in the last month to do anything other than make it in to work and back home. I boxed yesterday and felt really tired afterward. Usually, boxing energizes me, but yesterday, I needed to take several little breaks during class. I have very stiff, sore muscles today, as it’s been nearly 3 weeks since I last boxed due to fatigue. Stretching is in order, but there is a part of me that wants to do more strenuous exercise, like boxing. I miss it. The weekends are just not long enough for restoration, and most days, I wish I could just stay in bed and do nothing. As such, I haven’t been writing as much as I’d like to. Just no energy to think or for creativity. I’m hoping that by Fall, my schedule has changed so that I’ll have more time away from work, particularly summer, winter, and spring recesses. At times, I feel angry that work takes the better part of my day and energy, and yet one has to make a living. So, I do my best at self-care, although I eat way too much ice cream, lol.

We’re also in the first phase after a Full Moon, the Waning Gibbous phase. The moon’s energy is decreasing, and it’s a good time to focus inward. The waning period is associated with letting go of that which does not serve you, e.g., self-limiting beliefs or fears that are holding you back, changing one’s schedule! There will be a New Moon on May 8th. I love New Moons and like to set new intentions in the hopes that with focus, time, and energy, my intentions have come to fruition by the time the Full Moon arrives, or are at least heading in that direction. I journal my intentions to help me commit and map out necessary steps toward achieving them. A Full Moon arrives every 29.5 days roughly. Our next Full Moon is on May 23rd, and it’s known as the Flower Moon – it coincides with the blooming of many flowers in the northern hemisphere. But first things first – focusing inward and letting go of things that no longer serve. Can you tell that I love talking about the moon? There are some things I’m working on letting go of in order to conserve my energy. Unfortunately, socializing is one of them. So less time with groups of people. Solitude is restorative – another reason I avoided the gym, or perhaps an excuse not to go???

Wherever you are in the world, I’m wishing you a very good and healthful week. Thanks again for following/subscribing to my blog. May you look inward and let go of that which no longer serves 🙂 🌖 🌕 🌔

Photo by Guillermo Ferla on Unsplash

beneath the silver disco ball

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strumming on my Taylor
beneath the silver disco ball
putting words to paper
tales of shrooms and alcohol
knowing you knowing me
we made it to the other side
ABBA on old vinyl
it’s been a hella crazy ride
how i pined for what’s his name
i was always cryin’
you said, he’s not worth it, babe
my eyes you took to dryin’
you’re like the king
to my dancing queen
dance the nights away
beneath the silver disco ball
more days to dream and slay!

This poem was written in jest, seriously, except I do have a disco ball hanging from the ceiling in my tiny living room space and a Taylor guitar. And, I do also appreciate my good friends. This is about having that friend you troll around with, the one who always has your back, especially when you’ve had a few too many 😂 Cheers to ABBA and friendship. Take a Chance On Me, by ABBA. Never gets old!

Photo by Harry Grout on Unsplash

toward hope

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hit the snooze at half past six
another insane morning
early to bed by nine o’clock
god, i’m so boring
eyes are bleary, body weary
can’t get outta bed
blast some heavy metal,
but still feel like a ton of lead
slingin’ mud,
wade through the muck
movin’ in slow motion,
you’d think i’d have a rhythm down
instead of this commotion
yet, drowning never felt so brutish
am i at my edge?
or being far too shallow
to which shall i allege?
i gather up my strength
defy this bullet to my head
look to my sweet angels above
toward hope may i be led

More by The Warning. Thanks Fox Reviews Rock for introducing me to this great band, a Mexican-born sister trio, and their new album! I dig girl bands, and metal, too ❤ Will be jamming to more of their music. 

Do you ever try singing your poetry? I changed the poem around a bit after singing it so it sounded more metrical or rhythmic. It goes really well with the beat of this song, LOL.

Photo by Aryan Dhiman on Unsplash

dream me a dream

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dream me a dream
where peaceful waters flow
wading barefoot through the ripples,
time moving slow

dream me a dream
of misty painted raindrops
leaving stains upon my skin
like white velvet polka dots

dream me a dream
of wind whistling through the pines
the scent of green lingers,
and drowsy clouds sigh

Photo by Meritt Thomas on Unsplash

the weeping willow

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listen to the soughing of
the weeping willow tree
bending gently with the wind,
swaying as she pleases

sallow leaves drift elegantly
velvet twigs of green and brown
sweeping always, bending low
to kiss the earthy ground

she stands with pride, fluidity
a brave, bold soul is she
can stand against the strongest wind
yet give pollen to the bees

let us honor her in stillness,
her beauty give us breath
may she dwell beside the mossy pond
her crown to always bloometh

Dance of the North by Joanne Shenandoah, who was of the Oneida Indian Nation. This song was played during a music therapy conference I attended today. It was played in a training using Guided Imagery & Music, a specific type of music therapy. I fell in love with the song, which inspired this poem.

We had a beautiful weeping willow tree in our backyard when I was a kid. I watched it grow until its crown grew to be beautiful and full. It gave me much joy and wonder over the years.

Photo by Fran on Unsplash

jump the highest bridge

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my dear,

i would not love you any less

if your life turned out a giant mess

i would take you in my arms

and cover you in kisses,

let the rain pour down

for you, i’ll go the distance

to make you smile for miles and miles,

jump the highest bridge

for you, dear, i am fearless,

and all your doubts are meaningless,

may they float away on the nearest cloud,

for surely you can do without

the vexing chatter in your head

may they be drowned out by the sweet whisper

of promise and my hand upon your heart,

to always protect, to always guard

two imperfect humans on this journey are we,

finding our way through life’s little miseries

striving to be light, fighting to be free

one thing is true and will forever be,

you, my dear, have always

an undying love in me

This poem was inspired by a song, Keep Breathing, by Ingrid Michaelson. I haven’t stopped listening to it since MyGenXerLife posted an article featuring the song. There’s something about the contour of the melody, the lyricism, that catches my breath.

Photo by Sean Pierce on Unsplash

freedom comes at a price

4 Replies

it seems that freedom comes at a price,

a privilege rather than individual right

how i’ve fought for freedom

forever and a day,

free to feel exactly how i say

without restraint, without complaint

from those who judge my particular state

no longer shackled by doubts and fear

i’ve declared this my year

to come home to me

my hopes and dreams shall come to be

never lose myself in another human

or some other dubious, grand illusion

for as surely as trust cost me freedom

i chose a higher path;

i refuse to be beaten

Freedom 90, George Michael. Lyrics here. So much about this video that I love, like how everyone is moving their body, dancing. George Michael was such a great dancer. He’s so into the music. I’m listening to his tunes from the 80s and 90s. Forgotten how good it is. Freedom is precious. I’m grateful everyday to be free and autonomous and hope to never take it for granted.

Photo by Simon Berger on Unsplash

a fireside lullaby

4 Replies

sing to me a lullaby

of peace and joy and loves gone by

take my hand and let’s get high

on fragrant blooms, the midnight sky

dance with the wind to our hearts content

at home with the redwoods, my dearest friends

nature beckons promising solace

for she is divine and perfectly flawless

want to be like the angels as i journey forth

seeking truth, giving love,

wings to fly evermore North

The Rising, Essie Jain. A beautiful, poetic piece. 

Photo by Toa Heftiba on Unsplash

more than a flicker

6 Replies

you and i are

more than a moment,

more than a flicker

in a world getting sicker and sicker

when one wonders if anyone cares

and life seems shitty, unfair

you, darling, are one in a million

in a sky filled with a billion

wicked stars in the sky

perpetually evolving, you and i

reaching high for our zenith,

a connection shared between us

on me you can always rely,

a trustful ally

holding up a light

when no longer you can fight

the hurt you hide inside

fall into me,

can i help you see that you are

more than just a moment,

more than just a flicker

i see in you all that glitters

Inspired by Linkin Park’s One More Light. Full lyrics here. After reading Fox Reviews Rock post on Friendly Fire, another song I love, I spent the day listening to Linkin Park. I’ve loved this band for a long time. It made me think, are we all not looking to be seen in this big, bad world? So, I wish for you the following:

May you feel seen and heard. May you be peaceful and happy. And may you be safe and free.

Photo by Muhammad Ali on Unsplash

at my edge

9 Replies

beyond the edge
of human emotion
time stands still,
like magic in moments frozen
lost in such luminosity
consumed by an insatiable curiosity
and wanting more
body, mind, soul and spirit
held in most brilliant of light
angels sing over me in quiet delight
whispering a chorus in my ear
you need not fear, all is well
forever and gladly under your spell
i get lost, leave behind this world
when life’s fury lets loose and unfurls
confusion, the illusion that 
i’m falling, falling and overwhelmed
I am held up by you,
and in your arms i breathe
knowing i am always seen
for where you are, nothing ever fails
the veil is lifted
breathe into me
for then i am surely free

Music will always be my first love ❤ It is the great unifier when we cannot come together around anything else. I have listened to this song a million and one times. It never grows old and is one of my all-time favorites. And Lindsey Buckingham is hot, LOL.

Photo by Julia Kadel on Unsplash

a holiday

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standing in the middle
things don’t seem so bad
perhaps eases an ounce of sad
do you ever feel like you don’t wanna deal,
stuck at the top of a ferris wheel?

wanna turn off this emotion
wanna mute the commotion
’cause i’m feelin’ kinda sick
need some ben and jerry’s quick

leaning into what you say
can barely hear with all the adversity at play
said you’d be a shoulder to lean on?
must tell you haven’t cried in an eon
sorry! didn’t mean to freak you out
it’s true, i very rarely pout!

well, that was a gas
i’m now done with this rant
wish i could stay, but most certainly can’t
gotta split, run and put out more fires
good heavens, no wonder
i’m nothing but tired!
made it to the end of the day
damn, i really need a holiday!

Holiday by Turnstile off their 2021 album, Glow On. Love this album. Cool bass and guitar, how they double up on the chorus and verses, but in the intro and post-chorus, the bass goes up a 4th. I love the drums, too. My favorite Ben and Jerry’s ice cream is Salted Caramel Brownie. What’s yours???

Photo by Nirmal Rajendharkumar on Unsplash

in perfect rhapsody

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for miles and miles
nothing but blue,
my glassy reflection
cast by the fair moon

let me swim your depths
befriend the whales,
ride the stoic waves
and set to sail

as though i had wings
spun of golden light,
and all in the world
seems more than alright

there’d be no more sorrow,
save delight,
warmed by a canopy
of falling stars, a scattered night

sing with me world,
sing of ocean’s majesty
united together
in perfect rhapsody

Hymn by Karl Jenkins, sung by a female chorus and from the album Adiemus-Songs of Sanctuary. The whole album is absolutely beautiful. I thought this piece caught the spirit of this poem. It takes you to a whole different world. Enjoy.

Photo by guille pozzi on Unsplash

away we’ll steal

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out the door, late again
got you on my mind,
virtue or sin?
your kiss still burning
on my lips
the feel of you
against my hips
feeling quite buzzed,
all because
got you in my system
god knows i should listen
to that small voice
droning in my head
proceed with caution, girl,
look ahead
but you’re so good,
so easy to be with
it’s friday night
we’re feelin’ kinda foolish
i’ll reach for you,
plant a kiss on your neck
we’ll stroll down Ocean
and watch the fiery sunset
let time stand still 
tell me this is real
and away we’ll steal
again and again

Live performance of Sweet by Cigarettes After Sex. I think it’s my favorite song by them. They’ll be on tour in LA in October performing at Kia Forum.

Spring has officially arrived! The first day of Spring was yesterday. The Spring Equinox occurred a day earlier than usual because it’s a Leap Year. Evenings have been so beautiful, and walking at the beach near Ocean Blvd is always a nice way to end the day ❤

Photo by Rachel Cook on Unsplash

chasing after the wind

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loving him is like chasing the wind
never certain the direction he’s heading
she gets caught in a flurry, worried
that just like the wind he’ll blow over
the thought of his embrace
she lives in for days,
and when the fair wind decides to turn
her love he leaves unabashedly to spurn
she will pretend that it didn’t mean more
silently grieving to the depths of her core

Photo by Marc Kleen on Unsplash

player

3 Replies

if i told you my name
would it change
how you play the game
would you say i’m to blame
for being certifiably insane?
follow me downtown into the dark
shadows dancing,
pink lights entrancing
going out on a lark
down the avenue of right or wrong
pick your poison
give battle or belong
take the path of least resistance
when lights go dim,
you’ve been outdistanced
down the curious rabbit hole
hold onto yourself,
stay in control
down on your knees,
trying to please
are you brave enough
to break free?
go ahead, call me crazy
i’ll remain nameless
sensible, sane, hard, and blameless
end to end,
don’t wanna be judged
only enlightened
way done being frightened
hey i’m a player, too

In the spirit of The Hand That Feeds, by NIN. 

Photo by Victor Rodriguez on Unsplash

dream a little dream

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catch you on

the next moonbeam

ride the constellations

away downstream

wallow in the deep

dream a little dream

as we dance among

the shimmering stars

towards neon light,

the night is ours!

Photo by David Becker on Unsplash

hey, thanks

4 Replies

I hope you’re enjoying a restful, restorative weekend! I just wanted to take a moment to say thank you for visiting and taking time to read my poems, posts, etc. It truly means the world. It’s laughable, I never thought I’d ever write poetry. Okay, so it’s not great poetry, but the process is incredibly rewarding and even more so, healing.

I have loved writing since the time I could hold a pencil. Yes, I was that geek in school with the straight bangs and glasses who loved, yes loved, practicing cursive. The act of forming each letter was like art.

I started this blog in 2010 primarily upon the encouragement of a group of individuals I knew in high school, and a teacher who was very well liked by the students, Carole Ann Kaplan. We all created WordPress blogs and began posting stuff. Since then, so many other platforms to write and subscribe to have popped up. My posts began as a journey to find my birthfamily in Taiwan. I wrote a memoir about that journey. Things have changed tremendously since then, and the book would be much, much different now…I don’t write about adoption very often anymore, but elements of grief and loss, attachment, rejection, okay, yes, unrequited love, and longing that I’ve experienced as a result of adoption, I’m sure, influence my prose.

So, thank you, dear readers for following this blog, reading my silly poems, and sharing space with me. It’s really nice to read your posts as well, and I”m grateful for the support. Happy writing, and may you have a lovely rest of your day.

Photo by Wilhelm Gunkel on Unsplash

Enjoy this beautiful tune! A friend recently introduced me to Father John Misty, though he’s been around for awhile. I’ve had this song on repeat 🙂

Taiwanese American cultural festival

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May is winding down, and boy has it been a busy month. May is officially recognized as Asian Pacific American Heritage Month. Celebrations occur throughout California during the month including the Los Angeles Asian Pacific Film Festival and the Taiwanese American Cultural Festival, which is held annually in the Bay area. TACF is sponsored by Taiwanese American Professionals-San Francisco and Taiwanese American Foundation-No. California. This year, TACF featured a collection of nearly 50 works by authors, writers, poets, and creatives who are Taiwanese American or have ties to Taiwan, and guess what? My book, Beyond Two Worlds: A Taiwanese-American Adoptee’s Memoir & Search for Identity was one of the works featured! For the entire list of books showcased and brief descriptions of each book, visit Taiwaneseamerican.org.

Thank you, Ho Chie Tsai, for gathering this wonderful collection of books highlighting Taiwanese American storytellers. I wish that I could have attended the festival and seen the display in person as well as all of the other festivities. I’ve put several of the books on my to-read list.

If you’d like to purchase an autographed copy of my book, just follow this link.

Here are some photographs from the Taiwanese American Cultural Festival 2018!

Photo credit: Anna Wu Photography

 

My memoir!

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Cover

Beyond Two Worlds: A Taiwanese-American Adoptee’s Memoir & Search for Identity is now live! If you have not yet purchased your copy, don’t delay. I have a few books left, and signed copies can be purchased right here on my website.  Just click on Shop to order. Kindle and hardcover editions are available via my author page at Amazon, and you can also find the book at Barnes & Noble, and Indiebound.org.

If you enjoyed reading the book, please consider leaving a review on Amazon, or wherever you purchased your copy. Unfortunately, I am unable to ship internationally; however, those copies can be ordered through Amazon and Barnes & Noble online. To learn more about the book and to read an excerpt, click here, and to read reviews, click here. Thank you for supporting Beyond Two Worlds.

Happy reading!

poet jena

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I am so happy to share the following piece below with my readers. It was written by one of the people I hope most to meet one day in person. Ma-Li and I connected a few years ago when she contacted me with news that she was also adopted in Taipei from The Family Planning Association of China. We are just a year apart in age. I was so excited that someone who once lived at  the same orphanage contacted me. Ma-Li currently lives in Germany, but was raised in the UK by British parents. She is a gifted writer and poet. You can read some of her beautifully written poetry at Poet Jena’s Blog. Please stop by for a visit. Here’s a little about Ma-Li in her own words:

Ma-Li2I am a writer, a poet, a thinker, a philosopher, a storyteller, a lover of children and animals and beauty –  an artist, love-junkie and music addict which, in terms of taste, can mean anything and everything…. ! My background is a ‘story within a story’ in the way that there is a ‘play within a play’ in William Shakespeare’s tragedy, “Hamlet”.  It involves being given up to adoption at an early age and adjusting to foreign cultures.  It is a story of a lonely upbringing and at the same time the never ending search for identity.  Above all, it is the archetypal journey from the life saving pages of a diary begun as a despairing teenager to the crystallization of thought as found in the adult poetry of my current writing.

By Ma-Li:

In an television broadcast I caught by non-coincidence, I was reminded of the adopted part of me, what in the end may only amount to a story in an ocean of stories, but still, I felt immediately connected to this interviewee, this woman called Sarah Fischer.

Existence beyond duality says we are all ONE. To find a little piece of ourselves in another is the seed of the hope of this awareness.

Others who have lived a part of our own lives strike us to the very core, or so I have always found. They awake inside us what it is we mean to ourselves. Or what we may have believed we have meant to ourselves for the longest time. As if by magic, there is the sudden and extremely moving recognition of a deep knowing – a sense of timelessness almost.

But perhaps what resonates for me most is when she says, to paraphrase, – it was of great importance to her that the man she met and eventually married had ‘roots’.

Something else which touched me deeply: in order to find out that Germany was her true home, she had to first undertake a trip around the world.

It reminds me that no matter in which ways we choose to do it, whether adoption or by other means, the underlying journey of which this globetrotting, to me, seems to be only an allegory, is one of self-discovery, and moreover, ‘re’-covery. And in it, one sees the soul’s intense longing to finally be acquainted with itself. And what relationship is there or was there ever going to be which is more essential than that?

Sarah Fischer, Globetrotter | Talking Germany | DW.DE | 01.03.2013

http://www.dw.de/sarah-fischer-globetrot…

In her current book, “Heimatroulette”, Munich photographer Sarah Fisher describes her search for her own roots. She was adopted by a German couple as baby.

A few closing words from Ma-Li:
I came into contact with the writer of this inspiring blog some time ago during my own attempts to uncover aspects of my adopted past.  It is now coming up to more than forty years since the day that I myself got on that JAL airlines plane headed for a new and unknown life. Finding her was not only a surprise, but a huge unexpected delight. Imagine someone so close in age to me and even having been born in Taiwan!  And that is how the connection began. At present, time will not allow me to write more than this.  Suffice to say that like all adoptions it is a story, and a somewhat involved one at that, whose multifaceted details are to this day still not all known to me.  But for better or worse, adopted, I am. And nowadays I am starting to come around to the thought that the adoptees journey is not as rough a one as I might have believed in the beginning. Although we have never met in person, there is somehow a sense of closeness for me to have met someone such as this, in that space, as her blog so aptly says, “beyond the two worlds”. Simply put. It is an honor to know you Marijane.  And, without having ever been adopted myself our paths might never have crossed.